Wallets and Dead Ends

About a month ago I made my 2nd grader a wallet out of duct tape, I gave him a choice of colors and what character would be on the front, white and Darth Vader. A few days ago I asked my 4 year-old if he wanted me to make him a wallet as well, he said yes a black one, so I made him a black one with batman on the front.
I have made a system of color and character delineation that minimises disputes and arguments, the big guy gets anything that is blue and spider-man, the little dude gets dibs on anything red or batman.
So the next morning the preschooler is attacking his big brother and his wallet with his new wallet.
Me - what's going on?
7yrold - he's attacking me, hitting my wallet with his wallet
Me - buddy that's not what wallets are for, you don't hit stuff with them
4yrold - daddy what are wallets for?
Me - oh you don't know, sorry, you keep money in them
4yrold - okay

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As I was driving back from dropping off my 2nd grader at school my four year old was looking out the window and said
"Daddy when is the world going to end?"
Me - what? who told you that the world is going to end?
"Where is the end of the world"
Me - what exactly do you mean?
"The yellow signs say 'Dead End'"
Me - Oh, that just means the roads end there
"Why do the end"
Me - because of the park, it would not be so nice if it was all roads and cars so the end the roads on the edge of the park

He did not fully understand why the roads ended, but he was no longer concerned about the world coming to an end, one of the perils of being about to read early before you have much understanding of the world.

Neurotic Sit-com

I got an invitation to open a facebook account from a mother of one of my 2nd grader's classmates a couple of weeks back, and last night I got a reminder. Since I already have an account I ignored it initially, but the message said something about kids pictures, and I know the last couple of times I have run into them I haven't been the most friendly person, so I figured it was a little weird, but she must be making some sort of facebook school parent's group so I would confirm the friend add, however I did not want to create a new account as the email was asking, so I went to my regular account and sent a friend add from it to what I guessed was her account, the name was the same but not picture.

So at my son's Halloween parade I run into her, and trying to be polite since I never directly replied to the add request I told her I got the add request but already had an account so I sent her a add request from my regular account. She looked at me and said I never sent you an add request, I was like oh, now I feel like an asshole, so I say well maybe you responded to a pop-up that was going to send invites to everyone in your address book, she was like I guess but had a what the fuck are you talking about vibe, if the roles were reversed I would have said that's weird, well don't worry about it, but in typical fashion for my life, I was trying to not make someone feel weird and I wound up feeling uncomfortable.
I started to get all Larry David feeling about it, and wondered why, then I remembered I hardly ate anything and have not gotten enough sleep for weeks, speaking of which I am beat from hanging with Dave so I am gone.

Yesterday OK / H1N1

After implementing my new system my little guy made it through the whole day with no problems. If we can make through a week we probably will not have to go to the doctor for this issue.

speaking of doctors

I have been researching swine flu vaccines and will be getting my boys vaccinated with the nasal spray version which does not have any preservatives in it, ie no mercury.

I learned that 40% of the shots will not have thimersoal in them, so you may be able to get a mercury free shot as well.

Check the CDC web site and compare it to the conspiracy theories and then find your own truth in the middle I guess. I just know that my boys vaccinations come in individual doses, so no need for the harmful preservatives that are said to cause Autism amongst other things.

gansta lean

I recently realized that a lot of my back problems comes from the way I drive, or more to the point the way I position myself as I drive. I reach my left hand over to the other side of the steering wheel and place it at "2 o'clock," I lean my head over my right shoulder and I always hold the shifter, obviously with the right hand, even though I currently drive a manual car, I drove a stick shift for like my first 15 years of driving.
Now that the weather is getting colder my upper back keeps stiffening up, even later in the day after going to the chiropractor. A few days ago as I was driving my boys to school and fidgeting around in my seat trying to get my upper back comfortable I realized that the position the rest of my body felt comfortable in tilted my spine at the exact point of the problem, like a hinge in the center of my back.
I also wonder if I have looked ridiculous all these years driving like I am rocking some kind of gansta lean behind the wheel of my Camry?
So now I am trying to reposition myself as I drive, which relieves the pressure between my shoulder blades, but now the rest of feels totally out of sorts. I even do this on the computer, sitting slightly to the left of the keyboard and leaning my upper torso to the right to type and hold the mouse.
So this morning I stretched a little, sat on the couch with strategically placed pillows, DVR'ed a Halloween show for the kids and tried to relax the muscles in my back. after about 15 to 20 minutes I was feeling close to normal, close enough to do another round of more serious stretches. That did the trick, 90% back to normal.
About an hour later my wife called from a meeting to whisper to me that the lay-offs they have been fearing are going to happen and definitely will affect her small department.
Wow honey that sounds great, thanks for telling me.
- Well I wanted to talk to someone, you are my support (system or network or something like that)
Well, hang in there.

Ooouuuuuwuch, I can hear the muscles between my shoulder blades tightening up and the little crackle of my spine in one of the only spots I can not crack on my own without the help of one of those seat connected to the desk school desks they have in high school.

Let Kids Sleep Late on Weekends to Fight Fat: Study

Accidents Happen, just usually not this frequently

My 4 year-old has had like 12 accidents in the last 10 days, most of them very small and on the way to the toilet, but after not having any for a really long time and then having like one a week for a month things have gotten really out of hand.
I have tried to use the tactic that I helped my older son get potty trained that I learned from a child psychiatrist, telling him that I read the manual to the PS2 and it said that only big boys can play it. And big boys listen to their parents, go to the bathroom on the potty/toilet, go to school, etc.
"... and you do all of those things except (in this current case) you have not been making it to the toilet on time and peeing a little in you undies before you get to the toilet."

I know many children have a period of adjustment once they get pretty good at controlling their bladders, they try to hold it in until they are finished playing a game or watching a show and wait way too long a bam, or pssssss to be more correct, accident time.

I know I get too mad sometimes when I ask him if he needs to go and he says no, then a minute later he's screaming he has to go and running around in circles rather than heading straight to the toilet. I am starting to be afraid that it is something physically wrong. I am going to try to be way more supportive, back-tracking and acting as if he was not fully potty trained and helping him out a lot more, running up or down stairs with him, helping unbutton his pants, keeping the potty seat on the toilet so he does not have to waste time looking around for it, making sure he goes to the bathroom before and after everything we do and everywhere we go, and rewarding him with praise and maybe a jelly bean all the things that worked to get him potty trained a year a head of his older brother, while sticking to the no PS2 / big boy's always go on the potty stance.

I will probably take him to the doctor too, even though my gut tells me it is not a physical issue and I do not want to loose the 90 minutes of my life that I will spend waiting around to be seen by the doctor that comes with making a last minute appointment. I do not want to risk continuing or exacerbating the problem because of laziness or selfishness, so if he can not make it through another day without an accident I will have to make an appointment.

My son is usually brimming with confidence and over confidence so it sucks hearing him say, "I'll never be a big boy / I hate myself / No one likes me," after having an accident. I am sure I have fucked this up a bit, it his hard to convey disappointment and compassion at the same time, that I am disappointed that he did not do what he needed to do to make it to the toilet like he has been doing for a year now, not that I am disappoint in him as person or a son. I try to let him know that I still love him and like him even if I am upset.

Getting tired, I will proofread this tomorrow.

Human Evolution: Are Humans Still Evolving?

I have attained the highest level of suburban parenthood, little kid soccer coach

Coached my first kids' soccer game today, my side won 5-0 and my 7 yr-old had a hat trick, so it went pretty well. They need me to fill-in coach the next two weeks, I wonder if the fact that the games are 9 & 10 AM plays any part in that?

The kids were all well behaved except for one, who tripped my son at the last practice and then was all happy about it. He grabbed the shirt of the female head coach and pulled it up, she was like, "yes" assuming that he wanted her attention, and boy did he, "You were naked," "WHAT," he does it again, "I want to see you naked, I want to see you naked!" "That is inappropriate behavior."
This kid also doesn't pay attention at all to the game and kept kicking the ball in the wrong direction.
WOW, I guess I am doing a decent job with my boys, seeing how they have yet to try to rip the clothes off of a woman. I am going to advise her to have a talk with his parents.

In a much nicer realm of not paying attention, it was windy and a bunch of leaves started to fall down on the field, one of our defenders was just looking up at the sky gleefully strolling away from the action watching the leaves fall, "HEY 'Alex' watch the ball not the leaves!"

Never Assume

This morning getting ready for school my 7 yr-old was brushing his teeth and my 4 yr-old was on the toilet, exciting right. Anyway usually this leads to a fight, because the kid using the toilet will finish and want to wash his hands, and the one brushing his teeth will not step aside for a second, or god forbid share the sink, so they then argue and jostle with each other for space at the sink, then the little one will fall of the step stool and yell Daddy he's not letting me blah blah blah.
So today we were not running late, shocking I know, I was busy doing something related to getting them off to school and the little guy was siting on the toilet I assumed he was just patiently waiting for his brother to finish at the sink and I thought great, no noise no drama.
As his brother finishes he is still sitting there, I am like,
Go ahead and wash your hands little dude.
him-I can't
Why not? Wait did you poop?
him-Yes
Did you wipe?
him-No
Why not?
him - shoulder shrug
Ah man you just didn't feel like wiping, scoot up so I can wipe you so we aren't late!

No more assuming, I will continue with the constant checking, "Did you do this, no, do this then do that ... it's been ten minutes and you didn't do that, did you do this, okay now do that, and go down stairs and do the other, from earlier, come on you have forgotten the other for three days straight ... what do you mean you forgot how to do that?"

In 30 years without spanking, are Swedish children better behaved?

UN RATES BEST COUNTRIES TO LIVE IN

Discovering the Origins of Prejudice / Mid-life "Crisisies" / Predestination

I have been thinking a lot about prejudice and how it seems usually based in fear, and fear which is usually based in not knowing or understanding another entity. Gardening has brought this line of thought to the forefront, that and a summer of killing bugs that fly into my house.

If the intruder is not a mosquito, spider, waterbug, ant or biting fly, then I usually try to catch them and release them outside.

I realized this past year with all the worry about kids and swine flu, and all the other potential pandemics that seemed to dominate the world for a number of news cycles that I was more worried about mosquitoes, and killing anything that slightly resembled one, if flew in that kind of hovering helicopter style that they do, with a similar body type and wings that was close enough.

Then I eventually thought I am surely killing some insects that are completely harmless because of my fear of another species. I began to think about how my lack of knowledge was the impetus for me going against my normal moral code of not killing anything but plants.
God and the plants I rip up as weeds everyday gardening, I have little idea what is a "weed" and what is not, if it looks like something "bad" then it gets rooted out.
And then there is taking care of our lawn which is like a fucking genocide on the micro level, I am ripping up large clumps of ground and chopping bugs and worms in half and seeing all kinds of living creatures fleeing in terror because the roof of their world has just been ripped off, exposing them to a harsh sun and a weapon wielding approximately 136 story building* sized behemoth. Not to mention what must be going through the little minds of my yard denizens when I lumber over with my gas lawnmower ...

Not that I feel any differently about the need to eradicate racism, sexism and class-ism and prejudice to the extent that it can legitimately be done, but I know have a better understanding from where those wrongful beliefs emanate, and can see how they seem logical to those who have little understanding of those different than themselves, little understanding of the Tao and the oneness of life and little understanding of logical thinking.

*approximation based on the assumed average height of a bug.



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I think my version of a mid-life crisis is that I can not stop thinking about making art and music, I have kind of pushed that part of me deep down and tried to pile tons of shit on top of it, with internet dj'ing and making mix tapes being my only safety valve for this drive. Well seemingly soon after my wife let me know it was time to move on to the next phase in life, going to grad school or getting a job, I kind of freaked out a bit not being able to comprehend how we were going to take care of the kids when I often feel bad about the parenting job we are doing now, even with me being at home with them.

Eventually I realized that two large factors behind my discomfort had to do with my fear of our children being abused, because I have seen that virtually destroy many people's lives around me, and if I am at home and on top of things the likelihood of that happening is drastically cut down.
Secondly not having a relationship with my biological father has resulted in me only having about four or five memories of him, some of which I am sure are triggered by photos from when I was probably too young to actually remember the events. That is a pretty shitty state of affairs, and I think am afraid of not being a major part of the boys lives, also it is real easy to not get into trouble being at home raising kids. I will leave the various ways of getting into trouble to your imagination, being at home makes it impossible, for me at least, to ignore the needs of my children and to develop back into a more selfish person like I was and most people are before they have kids.

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I have also been thinking about how it is impossible to change who you are, unless you are willing to tirelessly work at it. Even after you believe you have successfully left certain undesirable parts of yourself behind, they often return if you do not stay vigilant.

Somethings we change about ourselves are really just repression and some are positive advancements along a never ending road growth.

One worry I have is that we are predestined in who we truly are, most likely from a combination of our genetics and environment, I can not seriously image a god of any sort mapping out our lives for us, unless our world is some kind of narrative that they are writing.

This would explain how tough it is for people who pull themselves out dire situations like drug addiction or poverty often seem to lose it all after they have worked so hard to make it. Is it self-loathing, not feeling worthy of success, or just reverting back to who one truly is, like no matter how much money Mike Tyson earned he is still that fucked up kid with no family to rely on, and Kurt Cobain was going to be miserable no matter how much fame, heroin and money he acquired.

I fear that being successful at anything but solving whatever is at the core of our psychological, emotional and physical problems leaves us only to return to our "true/predetermined" nature.

I fear that even though I have been successful at being a husband and father in a middle to upper middle class environment that my true nature is to be a failed artist, and to strive at rectifying that failure. When I think about myself I do not think about my financial security, career or lack there of, I just am sickened at my lack of production and follow-through with artistic projects, be it music, writing, collage, graphic design, painting, the only arena where I have an internal drive besides taking care of children and being a better person is in art. I am kind of old and saddled with responsibilities to start down that path without being a completely selfish and possibly delusional ass, "I plan to leave my loving family and comfortable home on the small chance that I have missed out on some sort of untapped artistic potential and with no training and very little experience I want embark on a life of creating art. Oh what kind of art, not sure yet."


Are we what we do or what we picture ourselves as?

I will try to get back to cute stories about my boys, they still crank out the cuteness on a daily basis, I am just not online blogging as much lately so I have not been recounting their exploits as much.

Children's Tylenol Recalled Over Possible Bacterial Contamination

Peanutbutter is sticky bitch!

THE CAP'S BELOW ARE JUST SIGNIFYING ME TALKING NOT YELLING

My seven year-old was singing something as I walked past him in the hallway ...
"blah blah (pause) bitch! (humming a tune, pause) bitch!"
WHAT ARE YOU SINGING?
"(humming a tune, pause) bitch!"
WHO SINGS THAT
the beastie boys, you know that song, the music stops and they say bitch
OKAY THAT'S A BAD WORD, MUCH LIKE DAMN AND DAMNED YOU CAN SAY IT AND IT IS NOT A BAD WORD, BUT MOST OF THE TIME YOU SAY IT, IT IS A BAD WORD. THE OKAY USAGE /MEANING OF BITCH IS A FEMALE DOG, SO UNLESS YOU ARE GROWN UP AND BREEDING DOGS, WHICH MEANS PUTTING BOY AND GIRL DOGS TOGETHER TO MAKE BABY DOGS, I DO NOT EXPECT TO HEAR YOU SAYING THAT WORD EVER AGAIN
looking scared and tearing up:
I didn't know, it's in the song ...
I KNOW BUDDY DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, IT IS MY FAULT, I DID NOT REALIZE THAT THERE WAS A CURSE WORD THAT WAS SO CLEAR ON THAT SONG WHEN I PUT IT ON YOUR MP3 PLAYER, DO NOT WORRY ABOUT IT, YOU ARE NOT IN TROUBLE, I AM NOT MAD, JUST DO NOT SAY IT AGAIN, OKAY.

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On a lighter note, it is super cute when my four year-old acts like a four year-old and not a four year-old trying to copy his seven year-old brother, in moment of little kidness he stated today, "Dad, peanut butter is sticky,"
YEAH
"Yeah sticky in your mouth."

He knew it was sticky on your hands, but surprised that it unlike most sticky foods it stayed sticky inside his mouth.
I know this is not that funny, but hearing him state the obvious, experiencing the moment when a universal if trivial truth manifested itself to him was super cute at the time.

Dying VCR Tapes and the Psychological Weight of Our Possessions

My seven-year-old just pulled out some old home made SpongeBob videos and they are dying. I'm really bummed, not just because we'll be loosing about 30 episodes of that great cartoon but it's making me wonder about how I am storing my old VHS tapes. I thought I had chosen a safe spot for them in the basement, but I wonder if our dehumidifier is drying them out. I have tons of old videos like the Live Aid concert and other music videos from Mtv's heyday, plus lots of movies and other things from the last 25 years that I want to hold on to, without spending half my life converting them all into a digital format.

I am more worried about my audio cassettes, all of the mixes I have made, punk and rap radio shows I taped in High School, plus the 4 track recordings of my own music, it is like I need a giant frickin' walk in freezer to preserve all of my archives. Everyday it seems as if life adds another small worry to my consciousness, thanks life, it all just reaffirms that we are better off not being tied to any of our possessions.