Coached my first kids' soccer game today, my side won 5-0 and my 7 yr-old had a hat trick, so it went pretty well. They need me to fill-in coach the next two weeks, I wonder if the fact that the games are 9 & 10 AM plays any part in that?
The kids were all well behaved except for one, who tripped my son at the last practice and then was all happy about it. He grabbed the shirt of the female head coach and pulled it up, she was like, "yes" assuming that he wanted her attention, and boy did he, "You were naked," "WHAT," he does it again, "I want to see you naked, I want to see you naked!" "That is inappropriate behavior."
This kid also doesn't pay attention at all to the game and kept kicking the ball in the wrong direction.
WOW, I guess I am doing a decent job with my boys, seeing how they have yet to try to rip the clothes off of a woman. I am going to advise her to have a talk with his parents.
In a much nicer realm of not paying attention, it was windy and a bunch of leaves started to fall down on the field, one of our defenders was just looking up at the sky gleefully strolling away from the action watching the leaves fall, "HEY 'Alex' watch the ball not the leaves!"
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Never Assume
This morning getting ready for school my 7 yr-old was brushing his teeth and my 4 yr-old was on the toilet, exciting right. Anyway usually this leads to a fight, because the kid using the toilet will finish and want to wash his hands, and the one brushing his teeth will not step aside for a second, or god forbid share the sink, so they then argue and jostle with each other for space at the sink, then the little one will fall of the step stool and yell Daddy he's not letting me blah blah blah.
So today we were not running late, shocking I know, I was busy doing something related to getting them off to school and the little guy was siting on the toilet I assumed he was just patiently waiting for his brother to finish at the sink and I thought great, no noise no drama.
As his brother finishes he is still sitting there, I am like,
Go ahead and wash your hands little dude.
him-I can't
Why not? Wait did you poop?
him-Yes
Did you wipe?
him-No
Why not?
him - shoulder shrug
Ah man you just didn't feel like wiping, scoot up so I can wipe you so we aren't late!
No more assuming, I will continue with the constant checking, "Did you do this, no, do this then do that ... it's been ten minutes and you didn't do that, did you do this, okay now do that, and go down stairs and do the other, from earlier, come on you have forgotten the other for three days straight ... what do you mean you forgot how to do that?"
So today we were not running late, shocking I know, I was busy doing something related to getting them off to school and the little guy was siting on the toilet I assumed he was just patiently waiting for his brother to finish at the sink and I thought great, no noise no drama.
As his brother finishes he is still sitting there, I am like,
Go ahead and wash your hands little dude.
him-I can't
Why not? Wait did you poop?
him-Yes
Did you wipe?
him-No
Why not?
him - shoulder shrug
Ah man you just didn't feel like wiping, scoot up so I can wipe you so we aren't late!
No more assuming, I will continue with the constant checking, "Did you do this, no, do this then do that ... it's been ten minutes and you didn't do that, did you do this, okay now do that, and go down stairs and do the other, from earlier, come on you have forgotten the other for three days straight ... what do you mean you forgot how to do that?"
Monday, October 05, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Discovering the Origins of Prejudice / Mid-life "Crisisies" / Predestination
I have been thinking a lot about prejudice and how it seems usually based in fear, and fear which is usually based in not knowing or understanding another entity. Gardening has brought this line of thought to the forefront, that and a summer of killing bugs that fly into my house.
If the intruder is not a mosquito, spider, waterbug, ant or biting fly, then I usually try to catch them and release them outside.
I realized this past year with all the worry about kids and swine flu, and all the other potential pandemics that seemed to dominate the world for a number of news cycles that I was more worried about mosquitoes, and killing anything that slightly resembled one, if flew in that kind of hovering helicopter style that they do, with a similar body type and wings that was close enough.
Then I eventually thought I am surely killing some insects that are completely harmless because of my fear of another species. I began to think about how my lack of knowledge was the impetus for me going against my normal moral code of not killing anything but plants.
God and the plants I rip up as weeds everyday gardening, I have little idea what is a "weed" and what is not, if it looks like something "bad" then it gets rooted out.
And then there is taking care of our lawn which is like a fucking genocide on the micro level, I am ripping up large clumps of ground and chopping bugs and worms in half and seeing all kinds of living creatures fleeing in terror because the roof of their world has just been ripped off, exposing them to a harsh sun and a weapon wielding approximately 136 story building* sized behemoth. Not to mention what must be going through the little minds of my yard denizens when I lumber over with my gas lawnmower ...
Not that I feel any differently about the need to eradicate racism, sexism and class-ism and prejudice to the extent that it can legitimately be done, but I know have a better understanding from where those wrongful beliefs emanate, and can see how they seem logical to those who have little understanding of those different than themselves, little understanding of the Tao and the oneness of life and little understanding of logical thinking.
*approximation based on the assumed average height of a bug.
-----------------------
I think my version of a mid-life crisis is that I can not stop thinking about making art and music, I have kind of pushed that part of me deep down and tried to pile tons of shit on top of it, with internet dj'ing and making mix tapes being my only safety valve for this drive. Well seemingly soon after my wife let me know it was time to move on to the next phase in life, going to grad school or getting a job, I kind of freaked out a bit not being able to comprehend how we were going to take care of the kids when I often feel bad about the parenting job we are doing now, even with me being at home with them.
Eventually I realized that two large factors behind my discomfort had to do with my fear of our children being abused, because I have seen that virtually destroy many people's lives around me, and if I am at home and on top of things the likelihood of that happening is drastically cut down.
Secondly not having a relationship with my biological father has resulted in me only having about four or five memories of him, some of which I am sure are triggered by photos from when I was probably too young to actually remember the events. That is a pretty shitty state of affairs, and I think am afraid of not being a major part of the boys lives, also it is real easy to not get into trouble being at home raising kids. I will leave the various ways of getting into trouble to your imagination, being at home makes it impossible, for me at least, to ignore the needs of my children and to develop back into a more selfish person like I was and most people are before they have kids.
---------------
I have also been thinking about how it is impossible to change who you are, unless you are willing to tirelessly work at it. Even after you believe you have successfully left certain undesirable parts of yourself behind, they often return if you do not stay vigilant.
Somethings we change about ourselves are really just repression and some are positive advancements along a never ending road growth.
One worry I have is that we are predestined in who we truly are, most likely from a combination of our genetics and environment, I can not seriously image a god of any sort mapping out our lives for us, unless our world is some kind of narrative that they are writing.
This would explain how tough it is for people who pull themselves out dire situations like drug addiction or poverty often seem to lose it all after they have worked so hard to make it. Is it self-loathing, not feeling worthy of success, or just reverting back to who one truly is, like no matter how much money Mike Tyson earned he is still that fucked up kid with no family to rely on, and Kurt Cobain was going to be miserable no matter how much fame, heroin and money he acquired.
I fear that being successful at anything but solving whatever is at the core of our psychological, emotional and physical problems leaves us only to return to our "true/predetermined" nature.
I fear that even though I have been successful at being a husband and father in a middle to upper middle class environment that my true nature is to be a failed artist, and to strive at rectifying that failure. When I think about myself I do not think about my financial security, career or lack there of, I just am sickened at my lack of production and follow-through with artistic projects, be it music, writing, collage, graphic design, painting, the only arena where I have an internal drive besides taking care of children and being a better person is in art. I am kind of old and saddled with responsibilities to start down that path without being a completely selfish and possibly delusional ass, "I plan to leave my loving family and comfortable home on the small chance that I have missed out on some sort of untapped artistic potential and with no training and very little experience I want embark on a life of creating art. Oh what kind of art, not sure yet."
Are we what we do or what we picture ourselves as?
I will try to get back to cute stories about my boys, they still crank out the cuteness on a daily basis, I am just not online blogging as much lately so I have not been recounting their exploits as much.
If the intruder is not a mosquito, spider, waterbug, ant or biting fly, then I usually try to catch them and release them outside.
I realized this past year with all the worry about kids and swine flu, and all the other potential pandemics that seemed to dominate the world for a number of news cycles that I was more worried about mosquitoes, and killing anything that slightly resembled one, if flew in that kind of hovering helicopter style that they do, with a similar body type and wings that was close enough.
Then I eventually thought I am surely killing some insects that are completely harmless because of my fear of another species. I began to think about how my lack of knowledge was the impetus for me going against my normal moral code of not killing anything but plants.
God and the plants I rip up as weeds everyday gardening, I have little idea what is a "weed" and what is not, if it looks like something "bad" then it gets rooted out.
And then there is taking care of our lawn which is like a fucking genocide on the micro level, I am ripping up large clumps of ground and chopping bugs and worms in half and seeing all kinds of living creatures fleeing in terror because the roof of their world has just been ripped off, exposing them to a harsh sun and a weapon wielding approximately 136 story building* sized behemoth. Not to mention what must be going through the little minds of my yard denizens when I lumber over with my gas lawnmower ...
Not that I feel any differently about the need to eradicate racism, sexism and class-ism and prejudice to the extent that it can legitimately be done, but I know have a better understanding from where those wrongful beliefs emanate, and can see how they seem logical to those who have little understanding of those different than themselves, little understanding of the Tao and the oneness of life and little understanding of logical thinking.
*approximation based on the assumed average height of a bug.
-----------------------
I think my version of a mid-life crisis is that I can not stop thinking about making art and music, I have kind of pushed that part of me deep down and tried to pile tons of shit on top of it, with internet dj'ing and making mix tapes being my only safety valve for this drive. Well seemingly soon after my wife let me know it was time to move on to the next phase in life, going to grad school or getting a job, I kind of freaked out a bit not being able to comprehend how we were going to take care of the kids when I often feel bad about the parenting job we are doing now, even with me being at home with them.
Eventually I realized that two large factors behind my discomfort had to do with my fear of our children being abused, because I have seen that virtually destroy many people's lives around me, and if I am at home and on top of things the likelihood of that happening is drastically cut down.
Secondly not having a relationship with my biological father has resulted in me only having about four or five memories of him, some of which I am sure are triggered by photos from when I was probably too young to actually remember the events. That is a pretty shitty state of affairs, and I think am afraid of not being a major part of the boys lives, also it is real easy to not get into trouble being at home raising kids. I will leave the various ways of getting into trouble to your imagination, being at home makes it impossible, for me at least, to ignore the needs of my children and to develop back into a more selfish person like I was and most people are before they have kids.
---------------
I have also been thinking about how it is impossible to change who you are, unless you are willing to tirelessly work at it. Even after you believe you have successfully left certain undesirable parts of yourself behind, they often return if you do not stay vigilant.
Somethings we change about ourselves are really just repression and some are positive advancements along a never ending road growth.
One worry I have is that we are predestined in who we truly are, most likely from a combination of our genetics and environment, I can not seriously image a god of any sort mapping out our lives for us, unless our world is some kind of narrative that they are writing.
This would explain how tough it is for people who pull themselves out dire situations like drug addiction or poverty often seem to lose it all after they have worked so hard to make it. Is it self-loathing, not feeling worthy of success, or just reverting back to who one truly is, like no matter how much money Mike Tyson earned he is still that fucked up kid with no family to rely on, and Kurt Cobain was going to be miserable no matter how much fame, heroin and money he acquired.
I fear that being successful at anything but solving whatever is at the core of our psychological, emotional and physical problems leaves us only to return to our "true/predetermined" nature.
I fear that even though I have been successful at being a husband and father in a middle to upper middle class environment that my true nature is to be a failed artist, and to strive at rectifying that failure. When I think about myself I do not think about my financial security, career or lack there of, I just am sickened at my lack of production and follow-through with artistic projects, be it music, writing, collage, graphic design, painting, the only arena where I have an internal drive besides taking care of children and being a better person is in art. I am kind of old and saddled with responsibilities to start down that path without being a completely selfish and possibly delusional ass, "I plan to leave my loving family and comfortable home on the small chance that I have missed out on some sort of untapped artistic potential and with no training and very little experience I want embark on a life of creating art. Oh what kind of art, not sure yet."
Are we what we do or what we picture ourselves as?
I will try to get back to cute stories about my boys, they still crank out the cuteness on a daily basis, I am just not online blogging as much lately so I have not been recounting their exploits as much.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Peanutbutter is sticky bitch!
THE CAP'S BELOW ARE JUST SIGNIFYING ME TALKING NOT YELLING
My seven year-old was singing something as I walked past him in the hallway ...
"blah blah (pause) bitch! (humming a tune, pause) bitch!"
WHAT ARE YOU SINGING?
"(humming a tune, pause) bitch!"
WHO SINGS THAT
the beastie boys, you know that song, the music stops and they say bitch
OKAY THAT'S A BAD WORD, MUCH LIKE DAMN AND DAMNED YOU CAN SAY IT AND IT IS NOT A BAD WORD, BUT MOST OF THE TIME YOU SAY IT, IT IS A BAD WORD. THE OKAY USAGE /MEANING OF BITCH IS A FEMALE DOG, SO UNLESS YOU ARE GROWN UP AND BREEDING DOGS, WHICH MEANS PUTTING BOY AND GIRL DOGS TOGETHER TO MAKE BABY DOGS, I DO NOT EXPECT TO HEAR YOU SAYING THAT WORD EVER AGAIN
looking scared and tearing up:
I didn't know, it's in the song ...
I KNOW BUDDY DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, IT IS MY FAULT, I DID NOT REALIZE THAT THERE WAS A CURSE WORD THAT WAS SO CLEAR ON THAT SONG WHEN I PUT IT ON YOUR MP3 PLAYER, DO NOT WORRY ABOUT IT, YOU ARE NOT IN TROUBLE, I AM NOT MAD, JUST DO NOT SAY IT AGAIN, OKAY.
--------------------
On a lighter note, it is super cute when my four year-old acts like a four year-old and not a four year-old trying to copy his seven year-old brother, in moment of little kidness he stated today, "Dad, peanut butter is sticky,"
YEAH
"Yeah sticky in your mouth."
He knew it was sticky on your hands, but surprised that it unlike most sticky foods it stayed sticky inside his mouth.
I know this is not that funny, but hearing him state the obvious, experiencing the moment when a universal if trivial truth manifested itself to him was super cute at the time.
My seven year-old was singing something as I walked past him in the hallway ...
"blah blah (pause) bitch! (humming a tune, pause) bitch!"
WHAT ARE YOU SINGING?
"(humming a tune, pause) bitch!"
WHO SINGS THAT
the beastie boys, you know that song, the music stops and they say bitch
OKAY THAT'S A BAD WORD, MUCH LIKE DAMN AND DAMNED YOU CAN SAY IT AND IT IS NOT A BAD WORD, BUT MOST OF THE TIME YOU SAY IT, IT IS A BAD WORD. THE OKAY USAGE /MEANING OF BITCH IS A FEMALE DOG, SO UNLESS YOU ARE GROWN UP AND BREEDING DOGS, WHICH MEANS PUTTING BOY AND GIRL DOGS TOGETHER TO MAKE BABY DOGS, I DO NOT EXPECT TO HEAR YOU SAYING THAT WORD EVER AGAIN
looking scared and tearing up:
I didn't know, it's in the song ...
I KNOW BUDDY DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, IT IS MY FAULT, I DID NOT REALIZE THAT THERE WAS A CURSE WORD THAT WAS SO CLEAR ON THAT SONG WHEN I PUT IT ON YOUR MP3 PLAYER, DO NOT WORRY ABOUT IT, YOU ARE NOT IN TROUBLE, I AM NOT MAD, JUST DO NOT SAY IT AGAIN, OKAY.
--------------------
On a lighter note, it is super cute when my four year-old acts like a four year-old and not a four year-old trying to copy his seven year-old brother, in moment of little kidness he stated today, "Dad, peanut butter is sticky,"
YEAH
"Yeah sticky in your mouth."
He knew it was sticky on your hands, but surprised that it unlike most sticky foods it stayed sticky inside his mouth.
I know this is not that funny, but hearing him state the obvious, experiencing the moment when a universal if trivial truth manifested itself to him was super cute at the time.
Friday, August 07, 2009
Dying VCR Tapes and the Psychological Weight of Our Possessions
My seven-year-old just pulled out some old home made SpongeBob videos and they are dying. I'm really bummed, not just because we'll be loosing about 30 episodes of that great cartoon but it's making me wonder about how I am storing my old VHS tapes. I thought I had chosen a safe spot for them in the basement, but I wonder if our dehumidifier is drying them out. I have tons of old videos like the Live Aid concert and other music videos from Mtv's heyday, plus lots of movies and other things from the last 25 years that I want to hold on to, without spending half my life converting them all into a digital format.
I am more worried about my audio cassettes, all of the mixes I have made, punk and rap radio shows I taped in High School, plus the 4 track recordings of my own music, it is like I need a giant frickin' walk in freezer to preserve all of my archives. Everyday it seems as if life adds another small worry to my consciousness, thanks life, it all just reaffirms that we are better off not being tied to any of our possessions.
I am more worried about my audio cassettes, all of the mixes I have made, punk and rap radio shows I taped in High School, plus the 4 track recordings of my own music, it is like I need a giant frickin' walk in freezer to preserve all of my archives. Everyday it seems as if life adds another small worry to my consciousness, thanks life, it all just reaffirms that we are better off not being tied to any of our possessions.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Another Emotional Morning / I don't want a mustache / grown-ups have babies
My 7 year-old told me he had dirt on his face and pointed to the corner of his mouth. I told him that's not dirt, that's your mustache. Well that was a big mistake, I had not realized until after speaking to my wife a few minutes ago that my son was upset this morning, he had asked her not to go to work and was crying when she left. This puts some of his actions and comments into perspective, like why he told me he never wants me to work, to which I responded that I will have to work someday.
Anyway, he starts freaking out about the hair on his lip, I don't want to have a mustache, I don't want to grow up, etc.
I was like come on guy, your growing up into a little Italian man and made some jokes about making pizzas with me, but sophomoric humor just made things worse. I then had to go into the god put hair there to protect you from the sun so you don't get sun burnt (we'll get to talking about evolution later, I'm just trying to get my kid to school on time so don't start accusing me of being a proponent of intelligent design or any crap like that).
That did not make him feel any better, I told him not to worry that he will not truly have a mustache until he's at least 16 or 17, "But I don't want one then either I don't ever want one."
Well then you'll just have to shave like everybody else.
I had him feel my two day razor stubble, I was like look, this is real facial hair, it's black and scratchy, now feel yours, "I can't feel it," exactly and you can barely see it either, what you have is called peach fuzz, you have it on your arms and legs and face, and it is barely visible, it is there to protect your skin, you have very pale skin and so you need it, and you are half Italian so you will have plenty of it.
He liked the idea of peach fuzz and started to chill out, then his brother starts calling the sun block I am putting on my big guy's face a mustache like Adam Ant, I said no it is war paint like Adam Ant, but he kept trying to talk about mustaches, so I had to forbid that word from being spoken for the rest of the morning.
Oh so of course we were a few minutes late getting of to camp, and as I have mentioned before I lack the ability to split my self into two separate but fully functioning versions of myself, so getting two kids to two camps that start at the same time is rather difficult, though not in walking distance as they were from our last house, at least the camps are in the same neighborhood.
Anyway there has been a bunch of work on our local roads, great things are getting done, good, stimulus package money is getting spread out into the local economy, good, every fucking day there is a detour in a different place than the day before, bad. Can not they work at night? Probably costs more with graveyard shift or overtime pay, okay I get it. But at least there could be proper signage, I get to the top of my block, the road looks like hell, but there is not a sign or cones, I get ready to turn, and a police officer yells no, not in a dicky way or anything, then I see cones on the side of the road in some bushes, it is 8:58 a.m., I know they start working much earlier than that, just put up some kind of indicator that lets me know that the road is closed so I do not have to waste my time, it would be easiest to drive out into the closed road to turn around but the cop is staring at me, there are cars parked on the side of the road so I have to pull off a tight K-turn while late with the boys asking me what's going on and the cop watching, as in I can't just do it quick and not worry about playing bumper cars, so I am trying to keep my profanity under my breath and then my 7 year-old says sorry that it is his fault, to which I replied, you do not work for the town, it is not your job to put up traffic signs, it is not your fault, and we are late most of the time anyway, so please do not worry about it.
Though I think at some point on the ride to camp I made a snide comment about not getting upset about things that are natural, I really need to check myself and stay on point when I comes to my children's self perception and esteem, if I was cognisant that he was feeling bad I should not have brought the issue up in an insensitive joking or blaming manner. My bad. Though I did give him a Stuart Smalley pep talk before he stepped into his first class today. Hopefully it counteracted any missteps I made this morning.
---
Having very little to do with the above information, when ever you talk about children growing up, or a grown up couple who do not have kids my four year-old starts talking about when you grow up and live with another grown up you can have kids, he told my wife's cousin who lives on our block and is married but without children and beyond average child bearing years, that she is going to be having a baby inside her soon because she and her husband are grown-ups and they live together.
Anyway, he starts freaking out about the hair on his lip, I don't want to have a mustache, I don't want to grow up, etc.
I was like come on guy, your growing up into a little Italian man and made some jokes about making pizzas with me, but sophomoric humor just made things worse. I then had to go into the god put hair there to protect you from the sun so you don't get sun burnt (we'll get to talking about evolution later, I'm just trying to get my kid to school on time so don't start accusing me of being a proponent of intelligent design or any crap like that).
That did not make him feel any better, I told him not to worry that he will not truly have a mustache until he's at least 16 or 17, "But I don't want one then either I don't ever want one."
Well then you'll just have to shave like everybody else.
I had him feel my two day razor stubble, I was like look, this is real facial hair, it's black and scratchy, now feel yours, "I can't feel it," exactly and you can barely see it either, what you have is called peach fuzz, you have it on your arms and legs and face, and it is barely visible, it is there to protect your skin, you have very pale skin and so you need it, and you are half Italian so you will have plenty of it.
He liked the idea of peach fuzz and started to chill out, then his brother starts calling the sun block I am putting on my big guy's face a mustache like Adam Ant, I said no it is war paint like Adam Ant, but he kept trying to talk about mustaches, so I had to forbid that word from being spoken for the rest of the morning.
Oh so of course we were a few minutes late getting of to camp, and as I have mentioned before I lack the ability to split my self into two separate but fully functioning versions of myself, so getting two kids to two camps that start at the same time is rather difficult, though not in walking distance as they were from our last house, at least the camps are in the same neighborhood.
Anyway there has been a bunch of work on our local roads, great things are getting done, good, stimulus package money is getting spread out into the local economy, good, every fucking day there is a detour in a different place than the day before, bad. Can not they work at night? Probably costs more with graveyard shift or overtime pay, okay I get it. But at least there could be proper signage, I get to the top of my block, the road looks like hell, but there is not a sign or cones, I get ready to turn, and a police officer yells no, not in a dicky way or anything, then I see cones on the side of the road in some bushes, it is 8:58 a.m., I know they start working much earlier than that, just put up some kind of indicator that lets me know that the road is closed so I do not have to waste my time, it would be easiest to drive out into the closed road to turn around but the cop is staring at me, there are cars parked on the side of the road so I have to pull off a tight K-turn while late with the boys asking me what's going on and the cop watching, as in I can't just do it quick and not worry about playing bumper cars, so I am trying to keep my profanity under my breath and then my 7 year-old says sorry that it is his fault, to which I replied, you do not work for the town, it is not your job to put up traffic signs, it is not your fault, and we are late most of the time anyway, so please do not worry about it.
Though I think at some point on the ride to camp I made a snide comment about not getting upset about things that are natural, I really need to check myself and stay on point when I comes to my children's self perception and esteem, if I was cognisant that he was feeling bad I should not have brought the issue up in an insensitive joking or blaming manner. My bad. Though I did give him a Stuart Smalley pep talk before he stepped into his first class today. Hopefully it counteracted any missteps I made this morning.
---
Having very little to do with the above information, when ever you talk about children growing up, or a grown up couple who do not have kids my four year-old starts talking about when you grow up and live with another grown up you can have kids, he told my wife's cousin who lives on our block and is married but without children and beyond average child bearing years, that she is going to be having a baby inside her soon because she and her husband are grown-ups and they live together.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
What’s the Best Way to Clean Bath Toys?
I hate that black mold that quickly grows inside all of our kids bath toys, hate it I tell you!
http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/life-strategies/ask-real-simple/best-way-clean-bath-toys-00000000017564/?xid=askrsnews
http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/life-strategies/ask-real-simple/best-way-clean-bath-toys-00000000017564/?xid=askrsnews
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
In love? It's not enough to keep a marriage, study finds
Really ?!? What not a surprise to anyone who has ever been married.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090714/lf_nm_life/us_couples
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090714/lf_nm_life/us_couples
Monday, July 13, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
Ouch, the day after
So I was woken up around 6 am by my four year-old jumping around my bed looking for cuddles and entertainment from my wife and I. Besides having to pee, man I hate that, waking up early having to pee, because you know you have to get out of bed and you are not going to get back to sleep.
More importantly after spending yesterday doped up and a little giddy that the source of my anguish had been rooted out of my face I forgot what it's like to wake up in pain. Even these past couple of months with my sinus and tooth issues they would usually get worse as the day went on, peaking in the mid-afternoon, this morning however it was like the pain had been storing itself up for the six hours I was asleep just waiting to kick my ass as soon I awoke.
To me pain always feels worse after you've been using painkillers, of course constant pain is in reality worse than intermittent pain, with constant pain one kind of resigns themselves to the situation, the pain that comes after the painkillers wear off seems almost impetuous, like god didn't I deal with you already, then you have to figure out what painkiller to take, I haven't eaten yet, and I have to drive the kids, get the house ready for company, damn no hydrocodone until bedtime.
Also the term painkiller had to be created by a marketing department, they are really pain blockers, right? What happens to the pain while it's being blocked, where along the line is it blocked, is everything happening the same but I just don't feel it? I'm getting into old school Seinfeld territory here so I'll stop and try to remember to ask some of the Pharma Industry people that are in my family what the whole deal is with how painkillers work.
More importantly after spending yesterday doped up and a little giddy that the source of my anguish had been rooted out of my face I forgot what it's like to wake up in pain. Even these past couple of months with my sinus and tooth issues they would usually get worse as the day went on, peaking in the mid-afternoon, this morning however it was like the pain had been storing itself up for the six hours I was asleep just waiting to kick my ass as soon I awoke.
To me pain always feels worse after you've been using painkillers, of course constant pain is in reality worse than intermittent pain, with constant pain one kind of resigns themselves to the situation, the pain that comes after the painkillers wear off seems almost impetuous, like god didn't I deal with you already, then you have to figure out what painkiller to take, I haven't eaten yet, and I have to drive the kids, get the house ready for company, damn no hydrocodone until bedtime.
Also the term painkiller had to be created by a marketing department, they are really pain blockers, right? What happens to the pain while it's being blocked, where along the line is it blocked, is everything happening the same but I just don't feel it? I'm getting into old school Seinfeld territory here so I'll stop and try to remember to ask some of the Pharma Industry people that are in my family what the whole deal is with how painkillers work.
Thursday, July 09, 2009
The Source of the Problem
So this is what has been going on, about a month of face pain, was not sure if it was my teeth or sinuses, it wound up being a tooth that is adjacent to a sinus cavity, hence pain emanating from the upper left quadrant of my mouth would shoot through the sinus networks and through the root canal spiderwebbing pain all throughout my face.
I already had an appointment for a cleaning with my periodontist today, so a few weeks I tried to hold out until my appointment, but the pain got so bad that only hydrocodone could alleviate the pain. I also was not sure if the pain was a sinus infection, my family has bad allergies and my mother has had growths removed from her sinuses so that seemed like a possible cause, so I went to an allergist, he had me rinsing my sinuses and using a mediated spray, which helped a little, my guess is that the cleared sinuses caused less pressure in the area.
My wife had a week off of work and we did a lot of running around, going to the beach, which I spent laying down on a beach towel writhing in pain with a baseball cap over my face for two to three hours because I did not have any pain killers with me. We've been eating out a lot lately and that just made things worse, I could barely chew anything. Besides trying to zone out at the beach I had a few other black outs from the pain, I lost a little over a half an hour one day while watching the kids, it got to the point that the boys being loud would set off a serious head/tooth ache, you can image with a four and seven year-old that is a precarious state to be in. So the kids get loud, I'm on my knees I just put my head in my hands and plop face down in pain on the couch at 4pm, I pick my head up and it's 4:35. At first I was like wow I blacked out from pain, that's kind of cool in a weird way I've never done that before, then, oh shit where are my kids? They were fine but that was nerve racking.
I couldn't hold out any longer and saw my regular dentist, who said it looked like I might need a root canal, even though the tooth looked healthy, which would be only the third time in the 20 years of his career that he would have seen such an occurrence, golly gee, my uniqueness knows no bounds and just expresses it self in so many fascinating ways.
Saw my periodontist today and he pulled that huge tooth out, it's amazing how big they are underneath your gums. Still swallowing what tastes like a salty blood broth but hopefully this issue has passed it's crisis stage.
I handed my tooth to my four year-old thinking he would dig it's grossness, but he got freaked out by the blood, my seven year-old thought it was gross but liked it.
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