Real Life and Hopefully Not Death

My wife left for a four day business trip today, so my boys are pretty bumming. She wanted to spend some extra time with our pre-schooler so we wound up being later than usual. (My older son is so use to being late that when we showed up to taekwon-do early last week he almost had an anxiety attack because he did not know what he was suppose to do until class started.)

So I am unpacking my little guy's back pack and getting his gloves and hat into his coat sleeve as I read a few notices that were in his cubby. I notice one has a picture of his best friend, who I vaguely remember had been out of school for a while because every time I ask my son if he played with his best friend he says he was not there today or he was sick.

Anyway, any photocopied form of communication with a picture of a child on it raises my antenna as being BAD FUCKING NEWS, I skim the flyer and it states that his best friend has been out for quite a while and is currently in a hospital four states away, and living in an area with a lot of hospitals with two huge cities in adjoining states, this is really NOT good.


My son says hey that's "Mike," and I look up and say something like, it says he's in a hospital in another city, or he's with a doctor far away that can help him get better, I hope I actually choose my words better than that. He freezes and unfortunately looks as if he completely understands the ramifications of what is going on. One of his teachers walks in the cubby room and asks how he's doing, the usually out going and friendly kid does not respond at all, now I have a pit in my stomach, did I tell him too much.

In a daze I get him to class and drop off his nap time sheet (yeah I actually remembered to bring it this time) in the room where he naps. I pass a number of mom's talking, I do not know if I am projecting or over analysing but they all seem to be in less of a hurry, less gossipy, more quiet and still. I pass a couple of the teachers and the "school mom," their oldest teacher is crying saying, "I didn't know it was that bad."


I see one of my boy's teachers in the hall tell her that my guy's upset about his mom's business trip and the news about his friend and then hightail it out of their before I start full-on snot nose weeping. I make it to the car and then full-on snot nose weeping, what the fuck, every Monday something comes up, and the come up's seem to be increasing in severity. What if this boy dies, what is the school going to tell the children, it's pre-school they range from 2 1/2 to 5, how are they going to process that information.


How would I explain this to my three year old, that the boy he's been asking to have a playdate with everyday for two months that I did not set up because I thought his mom should set it up because she's had a few conversations with the boy's mom and I got a slightly weird vibe from her, like she's not use to interacting with pierced, artsy wannabe, mulatto, stay @ home dad's, even though it's my job to set up the playdates, a perceived "very slightly weird vibe" kept me from acting on my son's wishes, even when I know the likelihood of my wife actually setting up the playdate was slim because she's busy enough and has a hard time fitting in anything that's not in her normal sphere, while I'm at it I should explain why I yelled at him to give me a break from asking about the playdate with "Mike" because he's driving me crazy and if his mom doesn't do it soon I'll set it up for the week after Christmas.


I do not know that I could tell him that his best friend is dead, bad parenting or not right now if feel like lying to him and saying "Mike" moved to be closer to the good doctor might be the best thing. My son is so positive and seeming well balanced, I do not want anything devastating his world at such a young age, the rest of his immediate family is twisted enough as it is, including his six year-old brother whose outlook could out gloom the most tragic of sixteen year-olds.


So I spend the five minute ride home crying and moaning and as I get home notice my wife pulling out our driveway, I can not tell her this right now, she is afraid to fly (and just called me from the airport) and way more prone to burst into tears and obsess over something than I am, she's flying cross country with a VP I can't have here trippin' out over this, she jumps out of her car to say good-bye and jokes are you crying because you are going to miss me? I say yeah, they she asks what's up and I make up something about being congested, I will tell her about "Mike" tonight.


It worked for my wife's best friend who was giving a couple of weeks to live with brain cancer so it can work again, Agnostic prayer in action, take two.