Sunday, March 29, 2009

Organized Soccer

My first grader played his first organized soccer match today, his team lost 0-3. I am incredibly proud of how hard he played, he was one of 3 new kids on the team and he fit right in and was aggressive, played great defense, took on some bigger kids on the other team with no fear, I just hope he can appreciate that you can play well even if your team loses.

Monday, March 23, 2009

FUUUUUAAAAAAACK part 2, read original FUUUUUAAAAAAACK posting below first

After a bad night's sleep and coming to terms with the fact that I have a pathological fear of disappointing my kids and I have a major internal conflict when problems like this come up I think my fight or flight instinct kicks in and I get a mad rush of adrenaline and want to explode on who or whatever I have perceived to cause the problem, but I hate being rude or aggressive and double plus hate when people are disrespectful to clerks, admins, operators, servers, basically anyone who gets your order wrong, so I have all this negative energy swirling around being fenced in by my moral gatekeeper, leading me to want to take a nap or get loaded in lue of having an anxiety attack. Basically a typical ID verses Superego battle, which is not a groundbreaking concept, except that I had assumed that my ID was much more in check than it actually is.

So midway through Sunday after emailing every contact I can find for the place where the party is scheduled I finally call them, expecting to leave a message. Quelle surprise someone answers the phone and puts me in contact with someone who knows what's going on, who says they are aware of the issue and it was their error and everything is fine for the date that I thought the party was suppose to be.

Another issue I've noticed is that I dread hosting these family/kid parties because I spend the week or so leading up to them worrying about every possible thing that can go wrong, I think I have a fear of being found out as a fraud, if that makes any sense, I think that's why I have a hard time taking compliments, also working like six years as an editor with no editorial or collegiate English background I'm sure added this addition neurosis to my portfolio. Okay that's enough, Neurotic Dad has been issued a cease and desist order and his take over of Dissonant Dad's blog has been ended.

Saturday, March 21, 2009


I'm checking my family email for RSVP's to my 4 year-old's belated birthday party and notice one from this past Thursday:

Description Dates/Times Qty Rate Price
Birthday Party:
Field 1 {Deluxe BP (half field 24 kids): $375.00/Per Hour} Sat 3/21/2009 12:00 PM-1:00 PM
1 $375.00

My reply:

Just saw this email.

I have our party as being on Sunday March 29th @ 3pm to 4:30pm?
My wife had contacted you about a party Christmas week and was told that March 21st was the next available, but we needed to call you back with a credit card deposit to hold the date. Later I called to see if March 21st was still available and spoke with a woman who told me that the 21st was no longer available and the only opening in March was Sunday the 29th at 3pm, so this was the date and time I signed up for.

Please get back to me ASAP to let me know if we still have the Sunday March 29th at 3pm time slot, as we already have 20 confirmed guests for that time slot.

Thank you for your attention to this matter,
Dissonant Dad
MOTHERFUCKER, I remember this whole fucking situation, I was mad at my wife for not salting this away, and she thought that I had done it, and I called my wife while she was at work and told her I thought that Sunday at 3pm was a weird time for the party, but figured it might work out well because only 24 kids are allowed per party and our son has over 30 kids in his class so the off timing of the party would hopefully result in a decent number of regret RSVP's, so I know what I did and that I'm right, but it doesn't help that I once in the past had a problem with the people at this venue and it wound up that I was wrong, and more importantly I think dating back to my childhood where my mother would seeming change the truth from argument to argument, she was never wrong when she was angry and what she said last time was unsubmittable evidence this time, so I have this built in self-doubt about my memory, so this situation pushes a number of uncomfortable buttons, plus my son may be out of his first "friends" birthday party, fuck.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Dissonant Dad has some "splanin' to do"

These are some postings from one of my other blogs that deal with parenting issues, I have made note of the blogger's gender because to point of this entry is how one group, dad's in this case, but it could be any group whites, bourgeoisie, etc. can say things and in turn belie beliefs held, that are never questioned unless they are exposed to people outside of their group, gender, race, etc. Basically you need all kinds of friends, not just people who share all of your beliefs and characteristics, to keep your ass in check:

... Come on my niece just derailed her career in Pharmaceutical Development to go on welfare and have some ghetto jail-bird's illegitimate kid, (Names of two expats on my other blog) we need your tax dollars yo! Sadly the previous sentence is true, I'm glad I had boys, I worry enough as it is I can't imagine how much the dad's of girls stress. I guess Mom's stress about boys playing contact sports and getting in fights and getting shot and shit, so it probably goes both ways and has to do with familiarity with what you did as a boy/young man and girl/young women.

Female Philly Friend:
... as a responsible father, do you not worry about your sons getting some girl pregnant? I always feel like a lot of people make the statement that they are happy they have boys because they don't have to worry about pregnancy issues and that it perpetuates the mindset that girls are trouble because of their reproductive capabilities. Meanwhile boys get a big pass since they don't have to wear their "sins" like a big old scarlet letter basketball stuffed under their shirts for nine months. I really think this type of thinking has to change so that more men take more responsibility for their reproductive capabilities.

... to be honest I probably won't worry about my boys irresponsibly knocking any one up until I am conscious of them being sexually active, which is hopefully 10 to 15 years away, whereas having a daughter I think I would irrationally worry about it happening in the future, part of that is because they get left with the baby, part is it's hard for the opposite sex parent to deal with the idea of their child having sex, and part my assuming that I'll do a good job teaching my boys to respect women and themselves and to be responsible.
I know what assuming leads to, so I'll have to remember to closely follow the birds and bees talk with the condoms, pregnancy and disease talk. I was a late bloomer so far as girls and was pretty shy and idealistic about falling in love and not sleeping around*, so I'll have to keep in mind that my boys won't necessarily develop at the same slow rate and in the same way and I did. (*Until I fell in love and got dumped and quickly changed my views.)
I think I and maybe most parents dangerously assume that your kids will automatically do better than you did as if they can build off of your experiences and learn from your mistakes.

Part 2 of my response to Philly Friend,
A very high percentage of important people in my life have been raped or molested, including males, so I'm highly sensitive to that being a parent, with boys if you get them to 18 and keep them out of jail, the likelihood of them being sexually assaulted is extremely slim, but with women it's a life long concern, so my statement about being glad I had boys also has to do with my perception that the constant concern and worry of being a parent lessens faster with boys than girls, now I could be totally wrong, and I know Jules worries about the boys playing contact sports and getting into fights and hanging around the wrong crowd, all things that I had done and was able to see myself through unscathed but those are areas that she's unfamiliar with, where I'm unfamiliar with this cool person I recently met attempting to rape me the first time we are alone together, or my mate being the person that is most likely to kill me, so I guess it's fear of the unknown.
I'll be more mindful of using phrases that are often used to express sexist thought and think on what it says about my thinking.
I have to admit I'm very biased when it comes to kids entertainment, things have gotten better than when we were kids with Barbie and Strawberry Shortcake, but I'll take superheroes over Bratz any day.

... thanks for your thoughtful response to my post. I know you to be a conscientious person and was wondering what your thought process would be as a father who is responsible for his kids' daily needs. My parents divorced when I was really little and I grew up with my dad taking care of me so I know a lot about the fears that fathers have when it comes to their daughters. Also, my father had pretty much just gotten back from Vietnam so he was constantly living with fear and post-traumatic stress. So, yeah, I'm extremely guarded and I don't get fucked with, ever. I just wish it didn't have to be that way and that society would commit as much time to educating males about responsible behavior, as well as taking responsibility for their misbehavior (i.e. "You, son, are going to get stuck with the baby too or go to jail for hurting a woman."), as it does to instilling fear in general, and women in particular, about misbehavior in men and its repercussions. As it stands now the overall societal message is that guys are a threat to women therefore women are troublesome, so it's better not to have to care about too many women; I know that biology dictates that men are stronger than women and women gestate but that message is detrimental to society as a whole and commensurate with an extremely cro-magnon thought process.
I forgot to say that I don't know anything about Bratz but I know that Barbie is the devil's spawn, superheroes rule, and Yoda is the undisputed shit .

NYC Male Friend:
LOL, Bratz are definitely freaky. They're pretty unwholesome and unrealistic representations of women. They have big heads and lips and obscenely skinny long bodies and are dressed in a way that most wouldn't want their daughter under 13 yrs. old to dress like. My God daughter was into them when she was about 7 or 8 and I remember thinking how horrible they were and how scary it was that she was drawn to and influenced by them.

LONDON Male Friend:
ok, since the blog has moved on to kids - i've got one of each ... not really worrying (yet), a summary of both:

my son (5yr old) is into flowers, formula1, soccer, bmx, tennis, some rugby and piano - typical daredevil
my daughter (8yr old) is into animals (especially horses), books, elvis, violin, guitar (she's begging for an electric) and some classical/opera (recently took her to the magic flute)
...and they both complain whenever i suggest an afternoon walk on the hills

i try to ignore the fads (we've had barbie in the house - personally like Bratz even less - all that can be summed up by one word ... 'tat' and steer the kids' attention to stuff which can be more productive/creative/rewarding - fads come into the house every now and then ... but, lucky to say, don't really stick around for long ...

Eastern Daylight Suckings Time

Daylight is all well and fine but that first Monday after springing forward is near impossible for your body to have adjusted in time. My 1st grader got up 40 minutes late, which gave us 20 minutes to get ready and get out to school, which is three miles away, not far, but not the neighborhood school around the corner either.

First I drop my 1st grader off at his grammar school which is technically in another town, then come back home and quickly get my preschooler ready to drop him off at his school which is in completely other part of town, pretty much "Downtown,"anyway my contribution to the morning lateness was a gem of daylight savings induced idiocy, I'm rushing around getting my preschooler ready, and searching for my keys, after about five minutes of cursing I remember I came in through our "mudroom" rather than the regular back door, maybe it's in there, or maybe I left my keys outside hanging from our side door knob, an area where someone could easily walk off the street and take the keys without anyone inside the house noticing, pure genius, who's that walking down our driveway, pulling out keys, and driving away with my car?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

If you HAVE to eat fast food, these are the places

America's Healthiest Fast Food Restaurants
Jamba Juice
Au Bon Pain
Boston Market
Cici’s Pizza Buffet
Taco Bell

I guess I have to stop telling my kids that McDonald's is the worst and most unhealthy place in the world to eat. Damn the brainwashing was finally starting to take too!

The Complete, EAT THIS, NOT THAT REPORT CARD, rating every kind of fast food resturant!

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Spicy Face

4 year-old son: "Daddy your face is spicy."
Me: (Is he commenting on my swarthy good looks, oh, I get it) "I'll shave tomorrow buddy."
A letter to my 6 year-old's teacher from 1/15/09 that I forgot to post.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Sick vs. Snow & the Bowels of Disney

Damn, week after week its sick kids or snow, with tomorrow being no exception, like 10 to 14 inches being predicted for the next two days. Last week my 1st grader was sick most of the week, and the week before his little brother was mildly sick at the end of the week, it's like I can never frickin' get any free time to catch up with chores and loose ends. I actually jogged a couple of times last week and was looking forward to doing so again on Monday and now tons of snow is coming.

Since I last posted we went on a family trip to Disney World, and when I say family I mean 16 people from my wife's side of the family. It actually was going pretty well until eight of the 16 came down with a stomach virus or it could have been some kind of intestinal bacteria I'm not sure all I know is that it was going around the park, and all four members of my family came down with it, lots of late night vomiting followed by the same consistency out the other end, not getting out of the room for days on end, a strictly limited diet, no fried food no dairy (not easy at an amusement park, no matter how large), feeling slightly better and over doing it and getting sick again, my kids not understanding why family members were fleeing when they tried to huge them, two doctor's visits, me not getting to do the one thing I remembered liking from going their 25 years ago, the Lands at Epcot, and my wife not getting to do he favorite amusement park activity, roller coasters, which I refuse to go on because they are either the stupidest way to attain momentary excitement or I'm a little bitch or somewhere in between, I just know I never want to be the guy you read about who died on some faulty ride it seems like weak assed way to go out, I like the feel of being on a little run away train so I died in pursuit thereof in shorts, sandals and a novelty t-shirt with a ketchup stain, I'd rather OD at the Chelsea Hotel if I'm going to die stupidly but that's for another blog and another day.

For the most part those Disney workers were really really nice and not in a weird found our savior via some charismatic cult leader sort of way either just nice for sake of it being the way you should treat people sort of way.

Also, when you travel if you are not staying with family or friends get travel insurance, we got it being worried about a snow storm ruining our trip by canceling our departure flight or whatever, but since we had travel insurance we were able to have doctors make house calls to our hotel room, which was amazing, they came, checked us out and gave us drugs and we didn't have to give them an additional red cent, which if we had to go through our regular insurance we would have has to take a taxi 30 minutes away to go to an emergency room, that would have been real fun with one parent barely able to walk, the other shooting fire out his arse and two slowly recovering kids, spending the day in the emergency room with our reward being to have to track down a cab in Central Florida and take a 30 minute ride back to our stale hotel room would have been just too awesome for words. Travel insurance, unlike extended warranties, well worth it.

If you are a vegetarian or just like to eat like one, the end all be all of Disney World dining is the Tusker House Restaurant @ Animal Kingdom, it's a buffet, has seemingly endless vegetarian choices, the food had mostly a middle eastern vibe with a great selection of breads and nice small portioned desert options, I seriously could have eaten there twice a day, though I don't mind eating the same food for a few days straight and when I clothes shop I tend to buy things in multiples like, I'll take those pants in blue, khaki, grey and two in black, but that aside they still had enough options that I wouldn't have to repeat my food selections if I didn't want to.

Though I pretty much experienced Disney with a huge dose of Hater-Aid the first time I went their at 15, much like the three Star Wars prequels, Disney isn't so bad when experienced with your kids. God I hated those prequels and Jar-jar fucking caricature of a Jamaican Binks, but they aren't half bad when you view them as child's movie and not as a jaded 30 year-old bitter urban hipster type, I don't know how the fabulously successful urban hipster types felt about it, but us get through life with bitter irony types weren't popping up two digits for it except perhaps the middle ones, man that Anakin guy could not fucking act at all, where did they find him? We need someone extremely wooden with the ability to pull his decent female counterpart down to his level of crapola.

Though now tolerable I actually like the new animated Clone Wars better than the recent live action films. My kids are totally into the whole Star Wars franchise now and we are watching them in chronological "according their prequel and episode 2.5 cartoon revised world" order.

We're getting a hamster in couple of days and bought all of the accoutrements for it today. That's enough for now, I've been holding off posting because I didn't feel like going over our ruined vacation but didn't feel right posting anything else until I got that episode down on wax.