Thursday, July 14, 2011

Had THE TALK!

So my 9 year-old kept asking questions trying to figure out how babies are made, so I just decided to tell him last night.
Previously we had told him that you take a little piece of the daddy and a little piece of the mommy and put it in the mommy and the baby grows from there.
Last night in the least racy way possible I told him that mommys have a tiny room inside them called a womb and the daddy uses his penis to put sperm, which look like tiny tadpoles and have all of the information about the dad, inside the womb. The mommy has an egg in the womb and it has all of the information about the mommy. The sperms race to the egg, and the strongest and fastest sperm connects with the egg, which then makes a hard shell so no more sperms can get in. Then the information from both parents mix to start creating a baby!

He was very mature and fine with this. He did ask, "What if the stuff doesn't come out?" To which I answered, "You just keep pushing it in until it does."
Son, "I do not like that part with putting the penis inside the mommy, is there another way to make a baby with a scientist or doctor?" Me, "Well yes, it costs lots of money, but they can take the sperm and eggs out of the parents combine them and then put them in the mommy, or take the sperm out of the daddy and put it into the mommy, but the regular way works better and it is free. You could adopt a baby too." Him, "No then it would not be a 'insert our sir name'."

My wife walks into the bathroom and I say everything went well, he is just not enthused about the putting the penis in the mommy part. She answered, "Oh honey it is okay you will enjoy doing it." He then opens up the shower curtain and starts to gyrate his naked crotch around in a dance music video informed nine year-old's interpretation of sleazy dancing stating in a deep raspy voice, "Oh yeah it's fun I'm gonna like it!" We kind of went into shock, then he turns back into himself and is about 100 times more grossed out by the idea of having to put his penis inside someone.
I told him not to worry when he grows up and meets his future wife his body will tell him when he is ready to make a baby and he does not have to worry about it for a number of years to come. And then I tease my wife like crazy for making the situation way more icky than it had been.

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