4 year-old son: "Daddy your face is spicy."
Me: (Is he commenting on my swarthy good looks, oh, I get it) "I'll shave tomorrow buddy."
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Sick vs. Snow & the Bowels of Disney
Damn, week after week its sick kids or snow, with tomorrow being no exception, like 10 to 14 inches being predicted for the next two days. Last week my 1st grader was sick most of the week, and the week before his little brother was mildly sick at the end of the week, it's like I can never frickin' get any free time to catch up with chores and loose ends. I actually jogged a couple of times last week and was looking forward to doing so again on Monday and now tons of snow is coming.
Since I last posted we went on a family trip to Disney World, and when I say family I mean 16 people from my wife's side of the family. It actually was going pretty well until eight of the 16 came down with a stomach virus or it could have been some kind of intestinal bacteria I'm not sure all I know is that it was going around the park, and all four members of my family came down with it, lots of late night vomiting followed by the same consistency out the other end, not getting out of the room for days on end, a strictly limited diet, no fried food no dairy (not easy at an amusement park, no matter how large), feeling slightly better and over doing it and getting sick again, my kids not understanding why family members were fleeing when they tried to huge them, two doctor's visits, me not getting to do the one thing I remembered liking from going their 25 years ago, the Lands at Epcot, and my wife not getting to do he favorite amusement park activity, roller coasters, which I refuse to go on because they are either the stupidest way to attain momentary excitement or I'm a little bitch or somewhere in between, I just know I never want to be the guy you read about who died on some faulty ride it seems like weak assed way to go out, I like the feel of being on a little run away train so I died in pursuit thereof in shorts, sandals and a novelty t-shirt with a ketchup stain, I'd rather OD at the Chelsea Hotel if I'm going to die stupidly but that's for another blog and another day.
For the most part those Disney workers were really really nice and not in a weird found our savior via some charismatic cult leader sort of way either just nice for sake of it being the way you should treat people sort of way.
Also, when you travel if you are not staying with family or friends get travel insurance, we got it being worried about a snow storm ruining our trip by canceling our departure flight or whatever, but since we had travel insurance we were able to have doctors make house calls to our hotel room, which was amazing, they came, checked us out and gave us drugs and we didn't have to give them an additional red cent, which if we had to go through our regular insurance we would have has to take a taxi 30 minutes away to go to an emergency room, that would have been real fun with one parent barely able to walk, the other shooting fire out his arse and two slowly recovering kids, spending the day in the emergency room with our reward being to have to track down a cab in Central Florida and take a 30 minute ride back to our stale hotel room would have been just too awesome for words. Travel insurance, unlike extended warranties, well worth it.
If you are a vegetarian or just like to eat like one, the end all be all of Disney World dining is the Tusker House Restaurant @ Animal Kingdom, it's a buffet, has seemingly endless vegetarian choices, the food had mostly a middle eastern vibe with a great selection of breads and nice small portioned desert options, I seriously could have eaten there twice a day, though I don't mind eating the same food for a few days straight and when I clothes shop I tend to buy things in multiples like, I'll take those pants in blue, khaki, grey and two in black, but that aside they still had enough options that I wouldn't have to repeat my food selections if I didn't want to.
Though I pretty much experienced Disney with a huge dose of Hater-Aid the first time I went their at 15, much like the three Star Wars prequels, Disney isn't so bad when experienced with your kids. God I hated those prequels and Jar-jar fucking caricature of a Jamaican Binks, but they aren't half bad when you view them as child's movie and not as a jaded 30 year-old bitter urban hipster type, I don't know how the fabulously successful urban hipster types felt about it, but us get through life with bitter irony types weren't popping up two digits for it except perhaps the middle ones, man that Anakin guy could not fucking act at all, where did they find him? We need someone extremely wooden with the ability to pull his decent female counterpart down to his level of crapola.
Though now tolerable I actually like the new animated Clone Wars better than the recent live action films. My kids are totally into the whole Star Wars franchise now and we are watching them in chronological "according their prequel and episode 2.5 cartoon revised world" order.
We're getting a hamster in couple of days and bought all of the accoutrements for it today. That's enough for now, I've been holding off posting because I didn't feel like going over our ruined vacation but didn't feel right posting anything else until I got that episode down on wax.
peaceout
Since I last posted we went on a family trip to Disney World, and when I say family I mean 16 people from my wife's side of the family. It actually was going pretty well until eight of the 16 came down with a stomach virus or it could have been some kind of intestinal bacteria I'm not sure all I know is that it was going around the park, and all four members of my family came down with it, lots of late night vomiting followed by the same consistency out the other end, not getting out of the room for days on end, a strictly limited diet, no fried food no dairy (not easy at an amusement park, no matter how large), feeling slightly better and over doing it and getting sick again, my kids not understanding why family members were fleeing when they tried to huge them, two doctor's visits, me not getting to do the one thing I remembered liking from going their 25 years ago, the Lands at Epcot, and my wife not getting to do he favorite amusement park activity, roller coasters, which I refuse to go on because they are either the stupidest way to attain momentary excitement or I'm a little bitch or somewhere in between, I just know I never want to be the guy you read about who died on some faulty ride it seems like weak assed way to go out, I like the feel of being on a little run away train so I died in pursuit thereof in shorts, sandals and a novelty t-shirt with a ketchup stain, I'd rather OD at the Chelsea Hotel if I'm going to die stupidly but that's for another blog and another day.
For the most part those Disney workers were really really nice and not in a weird found our savior via some charismatic cult leader sort of way either just nice for sake of it being the way you should treat people sort of way.
Also, when you travel if you are not staying with family or friends get travel insurance, we got it being worried about a snow storm ruining our trip by canceling our departure flight or whatever, but since we had travel insurance we were able to have doctors make house calls to our hotel room, which was amazing, they came, checked us out and gave us drugs and we didn't have to give them an additional red cent, which if we had to go through our regular insurance we would have has to take a taxi 30 minutes away to go to an emergency room, that would have been real fun with one parent barely able to walk, the other shooting fire out his arse and two slowly recovering kids, spending the day in the emergency room with our reward being to have to track down a cab in Central Florida and take a 30 minute ride back to our stale hotel room would have been just too awesome for words. Travel insurance, unlike extended warranties, well worth it.
If you are a vegetarian or just like to eat like one, the end all be all of Disney World dining is the Tusker House Restaurant @ Animal Kingdom, it's a buffet, has seemingly endless vegetarian choices, the food had mostly a middle eastern vibe with a great selection of breads and nice small portioned desert options, I seriously could have eaten there twice a day, though I don't mind eating the same food for a few days straight and when I clothes shop I tend to buy things in multiples like, I'll take those pants in blue, khaki, grey and two in black, but that aside they still had enough options that I wouldn't have to repeat my food selections if I didn't want to.
Though I pretty much experienced Disney with a huge dose of Hater-Aid the first time I went their at 15, much like the three Star Wars prequels, Disney isn't so bad when experienced with your kids. God I hated those prequels and Jar-jar fucking caricature of a Jamaican Binks, but they aren't half bad when you view them as child's movie and not as a jaded 30 year-old bitter urban hipster type, I don't know how the fabulously successful urban hipster types felt about it, but us get through life with bitter irony types weren't popping up two digits for it except perhaps the middle ones, man that Anakin guy could not fucking act at all, where did they find him? We need someone extremely wooden with the ability to pull his decent female counterpart down to his level of crapola.
Though now tolerable I actually like the new animated Clone Wars better than the recent live action films. My kids are totally into the whole Star Wars franchise now and we are watching them in chronological "according their prequel and episode 2.5 cartoon revised world" order.
We're getting a hamster in couple of days and bought all of the accoutrements for it today. That's enough for now, I've been holding off posting because I didn't feel like going over our ruined vacation but didn't feel right posting anything else until I got that episode down on wax.
peaceout
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Please no more snow
Since before Christmas it seems like every other day it either snows and the kids have off of school or a delayed opening or one of them is sick. With the holidays and my three year-old's fourth birthday occurring in this time frame there is always some pressing chore or duty to clean something I don't normally clean because company is coming over or toy to get stuck in traffic for (though I live in the suburbs my town is pretty self contained and has no highways, so I really only have to deal with highways, malls and strip malls during the holidays, so I have an extremely low tolerance for them).
So since I can't really clean much or toy shop for the kids while they are with me I depend on the three days a week where they are both in school do accomplish these things, so if the kids are home on snow days it means that my time frame for doing these things shrinks and I wind up having to do them last minute which stresses me out.
It does not help that no matter what company my wife works for there is always some kind of deadline, deliverable or crisis before Christmas so I get very little help gift shopping and setting up the Christmas magic.
Also the constant snow shovelling is getting 0ld fast, as is the whole bundling up the kids routine as they try to run around house and wrestle with each other every time before we leave the house.
My stay at home dad duties are starting to wear down my resolve, I wonder how much longer I can do this.
So since I can't really clean much or toy shop for the kids while they are with me I depend on the three days a week where they are both in school do accomplish these things, so if the kids are home on snow days it means that my time frame for doing these things shrinks and I wind up having to do them last minute which stresses me out.
It does not help that no matter what company my wife works for there is always some kind of deadline, deliverable or crisis before Christmas so I get very little help gift shopping and setting up the Christmas magic.
Also the constant snow shovelling is getting 0ld fast, as is the whole bundling up the kids routine as they try to run around house and wrestle with each other every time before we leave the house.
My stay at home dad duties are starting to wear down my resolve, I wonder how much longer I can do this.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
A letter to my 6 year-old's teacher:
Dear Mrs. "Kaft",
"My 1st Grader" was very distraught today after school, so much so that I had a hard time deciphering exactly what the causes were. What I was able to glean from his comments is that he kind of “freaked out” during his math quiz, he said he was having a hard time counting by seven’s, and then thought he had to do some hard math problems which he did not understand, but later learned that he was not required to do them.
I am not sure if that makes sense or not, anyway he said he had to struggle to keep from crying in class during the quiz. I vaguely remember a flier being sent home that talked about 90 second quizzes and I am assuming that this is what he was talking about. The fact that they are timed is apparently very stressful to him.
He is also nervous about an assignment that he apparently did not finish in which he has to draw and label body parts. He is afraid that if he does this assignment that he will not be complete some other assignment on time.
In reference to the not knowing which questions on the quiz he needed to do, I asked him if he was paying close attention when the teacher explained what needed to be done, and in reference to the quizzes I told him to do his best and to not get upset by the idea of not doing well, everyone understands he is six years old and does not already know everything and that he is in school to learn and tests just let the teachers know what he does and does not understand.
He then was upset by the idea that I was going to write you because he thought you might yell at him for “not knowing the answers,” and he also did not want to be pulled aside to be talked to. I told him that teachers want their students to learn so they would not yell at them for having questions, and that talking to a teacher one on one would just help him to solve his problems/answer his questions and was nothing to be afraid of.
Please take a moment and try to learn what exactly is confusing him, be it that some of today’s work built upon what was taught on Tuesday when he was out so he did not understand it, or if he’s not paying close enough attention when assignments are being explained, or if needs to ask more questions when he does not understand what is expected of him, or his time management needs development, whatever the problems are it is hard for me put my finger on them since I do not know exactly what is going in his classes and when I ask him about them he gets upset.
Thank you for your help in this matter,
Dissonant Dad
Dear Mrs. "Kaft",
"My 1st Grader" was very distraught today after school, so much so that I had a hard time deciphering exactly what the causes were. What I was able to glean from his comments is that he kind of “freaked out” during his math quiz, he said he was having a hard time counting by seven’s, and then thought he had to do some hard math problems which he did not understand, but later learned that he was not required to do them.
I am not sure if that makes sense or not, anyway he said he had to struggle to keep from crying in class during the quiz. I vaguely remember a flier being sent home that talked about 90 second quizzes and I am assuming that this is what he was talking about. The fact that they are timed is apparently very stressful to him.
He is also nervous about an assignment that he apparently did not finish in which he has to draw and label body parts. He is afraid that if he does this assignment that he will not be complete some other assignment on time.
In reference to the not knowing which questions on the quiz he needed to do, I asked him if he was paying close attention when the teacher explained what needed to be done, and in reference to the quizzes I told him to do his best and to not get upset by the idea of not doing well, everyone understands he is six years old and does not already know everything and that he is in school to learn and tests just let the teachers know what he does and does not understand.
He then was upset by the idea that I was going to write you because he thought you might yell at him for “not knowing the answers,” and he also did not want to be pulled aside to be talked to. I told him that teachers want their students to learn so they would not yell at them for having questions, and that talking to a teacher one on one would just help him to solve his problems/answer his questions and was nothing to be afraid of.
Please take a moment and try to learn what exactly is confusing him, be it that some of today’s work built upon what was taught on Tuesday when he was out so he did not understand it, or if he’s not paying close enough attention when assignments are being explained, or if needs to ask more questions when he does not understand what is expected of him, or his time management needs development, whatever the problems are it is hard for me put my finger on them since I do not know exactly what is going in his classes and when I ask him about them he gets upset.
Thank you for your help in this matter,
Dissonant Dad
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Abstinence, Shmabstinance
Looks like lots of unprotected premarital sex is going on in the bible belt, it just doesn't make any sense, you would think teaching kids about abstinence would work as opposed to teaching that evil sex-ed with all of it's condom talk, it's basically condoning premarital sex, one would think one of those evil Satan worshiping, homo marrying liberal states like New Jersey, Massachusetts or California would have higher rates of teen pregnancies.Okay tongue out of my cheek: Abstinence-only sex education has totally failed the nation's teens
Programs mandated to teach only "the social, psychological and health gains (of) abstaining from sexual activity" have been awarded failing grades for truth and effectiveness. The programs that work best combine honest information about sexuality, including contraception.
By Ellen Goodman
Sunday, January 04, 2009
VIDEO GAMES AND DEVELOPING BRAINS
3 year-old: Let's play video games.
Mommy: Not now, video games aren't good for you brain.
3 year-old: Video games aren't good for other people's brains but they ARE good for my brain
Mommy: Not now, video games aren't good for you brain.
3 year-old: Video games aren't good for other people's brains but they ARE good for my brain
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Dissonant Dad Don't Domir
I find my current problem is sleep, and lack there of, I seem to be able to come up with infinite reasons not to sleep, I'm angry, I'm happy, I'm bored and I need something to do, I'm having too much fun to go to sleep, I'm horny, I just had sex and didn't do the stuff I normally do at night so I have to go do them now even though it's 11:36pm, there's a bunch of good shit on TV, I keep turning through the 5 million channels and can't find a damn thing if I keep going I'm bound to find something ...
I go into this kind of haze from about 10pm to around 12:30am where reason and consequence are lost on me, what I need to do the next morning, hell what I need to do before I go to bed, bills, chores, check the doors, turn off the lights, get the recycling out, I watch more TV during this two to three hour time period than I do all day, then around 1am I snap out of it and have to figure out if I am better served by getting a semi-decent amount of sleep or by doing an hours worth of chores and crashing into bed with crusty contacts and unbrushed teeth.
It does not help that my oral hygiene routine takes about a half an hour if done properly. I often dread having to do more "work" at night after running around behind my kids all day so I brilliantly do nothing and wind up having to make up for it at 1am or have double the amount of work the next day, genius I know.
... it's like I'm addicted to staying awake, I know it comes from the way I learned to over come depression by taking one day at a time and making sure I squeeze some drops of happiness out of each day. The thing is, wishing you had more free time is not depression, but as we often do I'm using a coping mechanism that works in one arena but is inappropriate for another.
I go into this kind of haze from about 10pm to around 12:30am where reason and consequence are lost on me, what I need to do the next morning, hell what I need to do before I go to bed, bills, chores, check the doors, turn off the lights, get the recycling out, I watch more TV during this two to three hour time period than I do all day, then around 1am I snap out of it and have to figure out if I am better served by getting a semi-decent amount of sleep or by doing an hours worth of chores and crashing into bed with crusty contacts and unbrushed teeth.
It does not help that my oral hygiene routine takes about a half an hour if done properly. I often dread having to do more "work" at night after running around behind my kids all day so I brilliantly do nothing and wind up having to make up for it at 1am or have double the amount of work the next day, genius I know.
... it's like I'm addicted to staying awake, I know it comes from the way I learned to over come depression by taking one day at a time and making sure I squeeze some drops of happiness out of each day. The thing is, wishing you had more free time is not depression, but as we often do I'm using a coping mechanism that works in one arena but is inappropriate for another.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Door Decorations
On a lighter note, yesterday in our office my three year-old comes up to me while I am on the computer and says, "Daddy look I decorated the door!" (insert thought bubble above my head: this can not be good, exactly how did he decorate the door). Me, "Show me what you did," and he proceeds to take me by the hand, opens up the office closet door and proudly shows me a pencil doodle drawn on the inside of the door of what looks like a stick figure ice skating on a lake or something like that.
"Buddy I know you didn't know that you weren't suppose to do that, but you're not allowed to draw on the walls or doors in the house. Don't cry you're not in trouble just don't do it again."
He Tried To Tell Us
My preschooler mentioned something about going to school on the weekend to me this weekend, and I was like, there's no school on the weekend. Unbeknownst to me he apparently told my wife that his teachers said there was a party at school this weekend, to which she answered there's no party at school on the weekend ... well as I took him to school this morning I got a notice that must have been from last Friday stating that they were having a Memorial Service for his friend who died this past Sunday. Man, I wish I had known about this, my wife is bumming that she did not look into what he was talking about because he told her about this "party" a number of times.
Yesterday my little guy was the most upset about his friend since I first told him, he initiated a talk about who he feels about loosing his friend with his mom last night, I understand now why, I just wish he had said it's a party for "Mike" so that it might have made my wife look in to it.
I know this topic does not make for an entertaining read but I kind of just have to get this stuff off my chest so I do not go around all day feeling like shit.
Yesterday my little guy was the most upset about his friend since I first told him, he initiated a talk about who he feels about loosing his friend with his mom last night, I understand now why, I just wish he had said it's a party for "Mike" so that it might have made my wife look in to it.
I know this topic does not make for an entertaining read but I kind of just have to get this stuff off my chest so I do not go around all day feeling like shit.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
I Know What Boys Like
On Wednesday morning this past week after we dropped my 1st grader off at school and were driving back home my pre-schooler said:
3: Boys like Led Zeppelin
39: Yeah they do, but they use to be very popular, I don't know about now-a-days but girls use to really like them too
3: When I'm 28 I'm going to be a rock star
39: Is your brother going to be in the band?
3: Yeah, him and ah ... "Mike" can't be in the band because he's dead, maybe "Alan" can be in the band.
39: Yeah that would be cool ...
3: Boys like Sonic the Hedgehog
39: Yes they do son, yes they do
3: Boys like Led Zeppelin
39: Yeah they do, but they use to be very popular, I don't know about now-a-days but girls use to really like them too
3: When I'm 28 I'm going to be a rock star
39: Is your brother going to be in the band?
3: Yeah, him and ah ... "Mike" can't be in the band because he's dead, maybe "Alan" can be in the band.
39: Yeah that would be cool ...
3: Boys like Sonic the Hedgehog
39: Yes they do son, yes they do
Immediate Aftermath
So Monday night I had a long serious talk with my son's about my younger son's best friend's death, it went really well, my little guy was upset but has a pretty good grasp of what's happened, actually his older brother seemed more freaked out than he was. The 3 year-old seems upset that he can't play with his friend or even see him anymore, disapprove if you will be I went with the standard when you die you go to heaven angle, I do not know how else one would explain the death of a child to another child and what happens after that death. My son had a bit of a time grasping that he can not give things to his friend anymore, so I just started rolling with it and saying he could ask God to make a copy of the thing in heaven for his friend to play with or look at depending on what it was.
We prayed that our dead cats would find "Mike" so they could play with him and keep him company.
My little guy does not comprehend that dying often is accompanied by pain and fear, that a child's death is by far the worse thing a parent can endure so his friend's parents are surely in quite a state, or that heaven may be a fantasy, so again he is just dealing with the fact that he can not see his friend anymore, so I believe that he should get through this without too much psychological damage.
He made a Spider-Man paper doll for "Mike's" parents.
We prayed that our dead cats would find "Mike" so they could play with him and keep him company.
My little guy does not comprehend that dying often is accompanied by pain and fear, that a child's death is by far the worse thing a parent can endure so his friend's parents are surely in quite a state, or that heaven may be a fantasy, so again he is just dealing with the fact that he can not see his friend anymore, so I believe that he should get through this without too much psychological damage.
He made a Spider-Man paper doll for "Mike's" parents.
Monday, December 08, 2008
Real Life and Hopefully Not Death
My wife left for a four day business trip today, so my boys are pretty bumming. She wanted to spend some extra time with our pre-schooler so we wound up being later than usual. (My older son is so use to being late that when we showed up to taekwon-do early last week he almost had an anxiety attack because he did not know what he was suppose to do until class started.)
So I am unpacking my little guy's back pack and getting his gloves and hat into his coat sleeve as I read a few notices that were in his cubby. I notice one has a picture of his best friend, who I vaguely remember had been out of school for a while because every time I ask my son if he played with his best friend he says he was not there today or he was sick.
Anyway, any photocopied form of communication with a picture of a child on it raises my antenna as being BAD FUCKING NEWS, I skim the flyer and it states that his best friend has been out for quite a while and is currently in a hospital four states away, and living in an area with a lot of hospitals with two huge cities in adjoining states, this is really NOT good.
My son says hey that's "Mike," and I look up and say something like, it says he's in a hospital in another city, or he's with a doctor far away that can help him get better, I hope I actually choose my words better than that. He freezes and unfortunately looks as if he completely understands the ramifications of what is going on. One of his teachers walks in the cubby room and asks how he's doing, the usually out going and friendly kid does not respond at all, now I have a pit in my stomach, did I tell him too much.
In a daze I get him to class and drop off his nap time sheet (yeah I actually remembered to bring it this time) in the room where he naps. I pass a number of mom's talking, I do not know if I am projecting or over analysing but they all seem to be in less of a hurry, less gossipy, more quiet and still. I pass a couple of the teachers and the "school mom," their oldest teacher is crying saying, "I didn't know it was that bad."
I see one of my boy's teachers in the hall tell her that my guy's upset about his mom's business trip and the news about his friend and then hightail it out of their before I start full-on snot nose weeping. I make it to the car and then full-on snot nose weeping, what the fuck, every Monday something comes up, and the come up's seem to be increasing in severity. What if this boy dies, what is the school going to tell the children, it's pre-school they range from 2 1/2 to 5, how are they going to process that information.
How would I explain this to my three year old, that the boy he's been asking to have a playdate with everyday for two months that I did not set up because I thought his mom should set it up because she's had a few conversations with the boy's mom and I got a slightly weird vibe from her, like she's not use to interacting with pierced, artsy wannabe, mulatto, stay @ home dad's, even though it's my job to set up the playdates, a perceived "very slightly weird vibe" kept me from acting on my son's wishes, even when I know the likelihood of my wife actually setting up the playdate was slim because she's busy enough and has a hard time fitting in anything that's not in her normal sphere, while I'm at it I should explain why I yelled at him to give me a break from asking about the playdate with "Mike" because he's driving me crazy and if his mom doesn't do it soon I'll set it up for the week after Christmas.
I do not know that I could tell him that his best friend is dead, bad parenting or not right now if feel like lying to him and saying "Mike" moved to be closer to the good doctor might be the best thing. My son is so positive and seeming well balanced, I do not want anything devastating his world at such a young age, the rest of his immediate family is twisted enough as it is, including his six year-old brother whose outlook could out gloom the most tragic of sixteen year-olds.
So I spend the five minute ride home crying and moaning and as I get home notice my wife pulling out our driveway, I can not tell her this right now, she is afraid to fly (and just called me from the airport) and way more prone to burst into tears and obsess over something than I am, she's flying cross country with a VP I can't have here trippin' out over this, she jumps out of her car to say good-bye and jokes are you crying because you are going to miss me? I say yeah, they she asks what's up and I make up something about being congested, I will tell her about "Mike" tonight.
It worked for my wife's best friend who was giving a couple of weeks to live with brain cancer so it can work again, Agnostic prayer in action, take two.
So I am unpacking my little guy's back pack and getting his gloves and hat into his coat sleeve as I read a few notices that were in his cubby. I notice one has a picture of his best friend, who I vaguely remember had been out of school for a while because every time I ask my son if he played with his best friend he says he was not there today or he was sick.
Anyway, any photocopied form of communication with a picture of a child on it raises my antenna as being BAD FUCKING NEWS, I skim the flyer and it states that his best friend has been out for quite a while and is currently in a hospital four states away, and living in an area with a lot of hospitals with two huge cities in adjoining states, this is really NOT good.
My son says hey that's "Mike," and I look up and say something like, it says he's in a hospital in another city, or he's with a doctor far away that can help him get better, I hope I actually choose my words better than that. He freezes and unfortunately looks as if he completely understands the ramifications of what is going on. One of his teachers walks in the cubby room and asks how he's doing, the usually out going and friendly kid does not respond at all, now I have a pit in my stomach, did I tell him too much.
In a daze I get him to class and drop off his nap time sheet (yeah I actually remembered to bring it this time) in the room where he naps. I pass a number of mom's talking, I do not know if I am projecting or over analysing but they all seem to be in less of a hurry, less gossipy, more quiet and still. I pass a couple of the teachers and the "school mom," their oldest teacher is crying saying, "I didn't know it was that bad."
I see one of my boy's teachers in the hall tell her that my guy's upset about his mom's business trip and the news about his friend and then hightail it out of their before I start full-on snot nose weeping. I make it to the car and then full-on snot nose weeping, what the fuck, every Monday something comes up, and the come up's seem to be increasing in severity. What if this boy dies, what is the school going to tell the children, it's pre-school they range from 2 1/2 to 5, how are they going to process that information.
How would I explain this to my three year old, that the boy he's been asking to have a playdate with everyday for two months that I did not set up because I thought his mom should set it up because she's had a few conversations with the boy's mom and I got a slightly weird vibe from her, like she's not use to interacting with pierced, artsy wannabe, mulatto, stay @ home dad's, even though it's my job to set up the playdates, a perceived "very slightly weird vibe" kept me from acting on my son's wishes, even when I know the likelihood of my wife actually setting up the playdate was slim because she's busy enough and has a hard time fitting in anything that's not in her normal sphere, while I'm at it I should explain why I yelled at him to give me a break from asking about the playdate with "Mike" because he's driving me crazy and if his mom doesn't do it soon I'll set it up for the week after Christmas.
I do not know that I could tell him that his best friend is dead, bad parenting or not right now if feel like lying to him and saying "Mike" moved to be closer to the good doctor might be the best thing. My son is so positive and seeming well balanced, I do not want anything devastating his world at such a young age, the rest of his immediate family is twisted enough as it is, including his six year-old brother whose outlook could out gloom the most tragic of sixteen year-olds.
So I spend the five minute ride home crying and moaning and as I get home notice my wife pulling out our driveway, I can not tell her this right now, she is afraid to fly (and just called me from the airport) and way more prone to burst into tears and obsess over something than I am, she's flying cross country with a VP I can't have here trippin' out over this, she jumps out of her car to say good-bye and jokes are you crying because you are going to miss me? I say yeah, they she asks what's up and I make up something about being congested, I will tell her about "Mike" tonight.
It worked for my wife's best friend who was giving a couple of weeks to live with brain cancer so it can work again, Agnostic prayer in action, take two.
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