Trying to figure out sex

My 9 year-old has been trying to figure out sex lately.

Last night he asked his mother if I peepee in her butt to make a baby?

A month ago he told her that his friend needed his dad to help him do something, so the dad paused what he was watching on TV or his computer. He said the image on the screen was a man peeing in a woman's mouth.

My wife began to laugh nervously which lead our son to ask, "Are you laughing because you let daddy do that to you?"

I think it will be time for "the talk" to be happening pretty soon.

ps. Despite our numerous explanations he still thinks tampons are for ending pregnancies and calls them, "Baby Killers," as in, "So wait you don't swallow the baby killers, you put them inside your body?"

One of the ancillary annoyances of having depression

One of the ancillary annoyances of having depression issues is the realization that the things bothering you are often not as serious as those giving difficultly to others around you and yet they feel as if they are.

As I was driving to my therapist yesterday I was in a pissy mood and then saw a young blind man being taught how to use his cane as he crossed the busy street I was driving on; a few minutes ago I was thinking about talking about my general malaise with a friend I am having dinner with tomorrow night and quickly remembered that his wife is leaving him but they don't have the money to support two separate households so they are still living together, which makes me say to myself, "What the fuck are you having trouble dealing with? Your kids wanting to play video games everyday and not cleaning up behind themselves, your wife being to tired after work to hang out, really? And your therapist, chiropractor, physical therapist and massage therapy aren't enough to help you deal with the stress of life. Be satisfied with the privileged life you enjoy and somehow convince yourself that it is enough, because it is more than most people on earth have experienced."

I have to stop letting my kids bait me into arguments, my six year-old after being given a stern talking to about all of the things he could be doing to stave off boredom was having a temper tantrum because he did not want to clean up and he wanted me to play with him, I told him that I had cleaning up of my own to do and sometimes we have to do boring things in life, part of my job was to do boring things like clean up the house.

As I climbed the stairs I heard him asking why did I chose that job if it was boring and I did not like it. Normally I would get in his face about being disrespectful, but I just kept walking. Something I am going to try to do more of after making whatever my original point is.

Fever

My 6 year-old son has had a fever since Monday, he is missing the kindergarden presentation, and the kids have off from school next week, and I have my final term paper due on my birthday in less than weeks, but have not had any time to work on it this week because I have continuously believed that my son's fever would be gone tomorrow and hence spent my time tending to things around the house because once I start on writing the paper I won't have much free time, three days in a row and they are home next week, wait, I did just sign them up for spring break soccer camp, thank god, that at least gives me about three hours a day, well closer to two and a half because we are always late and I have to leave our house about 15 minutes before the camp ends, so yeah we will have to go to the doctor tomorrow, hopefully this will clear up soon we have a really busy weekend like literally seven events/activities planned, and then Bloomfest on Sunday, what a drag it will be if he stays sick ...

SOY AND DAIRY: HEALTHFUL OR HARMFUL?

The Down-Low on Dairy & Soy: Magic Bean or Tragic Bean? Both have good and bad qualities, moderation is the key. Despite what most grandmothers would have you believe your body does not need dairy products, you can live fine without them. "The FAO/WHO developed the Protein Digestibility Corrected Amino Acid Score, a method of measuring protein values in human nutrition. Eggs, milk, and soy all score a 1.0, the best possible. Beef scores .92 and peanuts score .52." This statistic shoots down the importance of eating beef to getting enough protein.

Skin bleaching a growing problem in Jamaica slums

Lying

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

By Patty Dow, M.A., Life Coach and Parent Educator

It is a loaded word and carries all kinds of moral judgment about the perpetrator. It leaves parents feeling embarrassed or deceived when they realize that their young children are doing it. Often times, parents notice "lying" in their children for the first time around age three. You ask your child a question about school and some wild tale comes out of his or her mouth. You confront your child about the missing cookie, only to be met by denial. In this month's Parenting Tip, I'd like to put some perspective on the subject of lying in young children.

First, let's look at this phenomenon from a developmental perspective. Most children, by age three, are able to carry on conversations. They have learned that there is a give and take in communication and that when they ask questions or make statements, they get responses from others. However, they have only been conversing for a few months. Someone asks them a question, the rule is, they reply. Sometimes they say the first thing that comes to mind. This is not deliberate and malicious lying, but to them, carrying their weight in the conversation.

The next developmental pieces of this puzzle are cognition and retention level. At ages three and four, children do not have a well developed sense of time and they don't always retain information from things that happened earlier. They may legitimately not remember what happened in school TODAY. You ask? They make it up (following the rules of communication - a question requires a response), or give you a blank stare! Sometimes, the things they make up are things that they have heard others say. Again, not malicious or intentional, but it's what comes to mind and they heard someone else say it, so why not?

Frequently, children blur the boundaries between fantasy and reality. They have fantasies in which they catastrophize, or romanticize, sometimes to meet an emotional need that they have. When my daughter, Courtney, was born, we already had a dog named Timber. He was petrified of her and barely began to come near her when she was old enough to throw a ball. Other than those occasional games, he avoided her like the plague. When she was 3 ½, we sadly had to find a new loving home for him because we had to move to a place where animals weren't allowed. When Courtney was 4, she would tell people about her wonderful relationship with her dog and what fast friends they were. She would dreamily tell people, "Timber would follow me everywhere and come over and put his head in my lap while I was watching TV." Lie? Well, definitely not the truth, but somehow, it was to her! Did it harm anyone? Nope. So what did I do? I let it go. As she got older (she is now 21), I told her anecdotally and she got a kick out of it. If your child is blurring fantasy and reality in a way that doesn’t matter, let it go. If your child is blurring fantasy and reality in a way that matters, you don't have to attack or insist. You can gently insert the facts as they tell stories about their lives.

Next, let's look at the intentional side of lying. From fairly early on, we learn that lying a) gets us what we want and b) can act as a form of protection when we fear the disapproval of others. One of the most important things parents can do is MODEL. How many of us use "white" lies; you know… stretch the truth just a little bit? Sometimes we think our reasons are legitimate - we don't want to hurt someone's feelings, or we want to avoid a scene of some type. I am not passing judgment, but it is important to remember that if you value honesty and want to pass that onto your children, they will pick up on it when adults lie to others. Young children are still very concrete in their thinking. They do not distinguish one type of lie from another. They think, "Mommy and Daddy told So-and-So this untrue thing, so it must be okay for me to do the same." Then they try it and get reprimanded for it. It doesn't make much sense in their minds and it hardly seems fair.

The last thought I want to leave you with, is that when your child lies, it isn't directly targeted toward you - it's not PERSONAL. Even if your child is lying intentionally, this is a sign that your child is having difficulty with something, NOT doing it TO YOU! S/he might be having trouble accepting disappointment, or might be very concerned about letting you down. Does this mean that parents don't address it? No, but you will probably have better results in the future if you address it empathically, non-emotionally, and matter-of-factly. Let your child know that you value honesty and that it is okay to make mistakes. Have a discussion and see if you can get to the source of the lie. If you come down too hard on your child, it will probably leave him or her scared. This, in turn, can lead to more lying and a breakdown in communication.

Patty Dow, MA
Life Coach/Parent Educator

Post from My Social Work Policy Class Blog

Chart shows low tax burden for rich

I was unable to attach the chart to this post so please click on the link below and take a minute to view the chart. “Blue areas represent a historically low tax burden for a specific income level, while red areas represent a historically high burden.”

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_thelookout/20110316/ts_yblog_thelookout/chart-shows-low-tax-burden-for-rich;_ylt=AgzGIvwZ3WbYBe.37rqXmqzCw5R4;_ylu=X3oDMTQ1czQ4ZmMwBGFzc2V0A3libG9nX3RoZWxvb2tvdXQvMjAxMTAzMTYvY2hhcnQtc2hvd3MtbG93LXRheC1idXJkZW4tZm9yLXJpY2gEY2NvZGUDbXBfZWNfOF8xMARjcG9zAzQEcG9zAzQEc2VjA3luX3RvcF9zdG9yaWVzBHNsawNjaGFydHNob3dzbG8-

The chart basically shows that despite the repeated claims from the lower taxes crowd that taxes are extra ordinarily high, and that the country is broke due to the pensions of greedy public workers like fire fighters, police officers and teachers, the tax burden on Americans is actually lower for the vast majority of Americans thank it has been 50 years.

The wealthy are being allowed to keep more of their money compared to any time in the last 100 years except for brief periods around 1930 and 1990. With this in mind it appears that our federal government’s shortage of funds may be due to the lack of funds being brought in by taxes and not solely public workers pensions, or over spending on social programs. The high cost of our military actions, and all other governmental costs have not been counteracted by the trickle down effect historically low tax rates over the last quarter of a century. Lower taxes have not caused the affluent to create new businesses and in turn new jobs at a rate that has any significant affect on our overall economy.

Basically the current tax rate is low compared to what it was durning the post WWII economic boom under Eisenhower, and even lower than it was during the Reagan Era. The lower taxes mantra reminds me of the concept of Manifest Destiny, no matter what gains its adherents achieve, the only acceptable next step is more, more tax cuts now, more land then, an insatiable appetitive for more that accepts no compromise.

Youth Soccer

My son's team has NY Red Bull coaches, it's weird, I drove to the game with one of them this weekend, he was at least my age most likely older, most int'l youth coaches I have met are young guys in their 20's. There is this world wide network of coaches that, a high percentage of which are from the UK, and they coach in Ghana one year, move to USA the next, are an assistant coach to a low level pro team in Wales, then become the head coach to kids in NJ, it is very weird transient lifestyle that I was not perviously aware of.
So we roll into our first league game on the road last weekend with a professional coach decked out in Red Bulls gear, and our boys are rocking Adidas kits, we arrive in a nice upper middle class town in North Jersey and they have t-shirts and dads coaching having them do jumping jacks before the game. My son's team had to stop scoring at 7-0 our else the club would have been fined for each additional goal. Not growing up with soccer it is interesting for me at least to see the vast range of how towns develop players.
The day before another team my son plays with sometimes got demolished in a scrimmage by Portuguese and Brazilian kids from Ironbound SC in Newark. So I saw the whole spectrum from kids who just kick the ball around for fun to upper middle class and rich kids with the best training money can buy to those whose families live and breath the game, you can guess which one looks the best so far.

Less Distractions On Campus

So after missing three weeks of class I has a midterm last week. I am not going to try to make up all of the reading I missed, but I have a paper and some blog entries due that I missed, plus keeping up with the current reading and and starting to research my major term paper.

Studying at home is often hard, we have had all of these house issues like possible two dead animals under our back deck that stink to high hell once the temperature sniffs 50 degrees, our heater has cut off twice and we have had to have someone come and service it to get it running again, and we had people come by to give estimates for trimming trees on our property, the guys we picked were suppose to call to give a heads up as to when they were free to come.

Well as I sit trying to figure out what the hell I am going to write my make-up paper on, and where am I going to find the research sources online, and being mad at myself for not getting any of it done earlier in the week, particularly because my kids have a half day to day and a play date at our house, so I will have less opportunity to work on the paper today than any other day this week, the tree trimmers show up. So there a bunch of Latin dudes high up in trees over my house with chainsaws and a giant truck sized wood chipper buzzing away as I type, not exactly an environment conducive to higher level conceptualizing. Also two worries have begun to creep in, one, this service was so much cheaper than the others, are they insured if one of these giant branches falls on my roof? Secondly, are we removing enough or too many branches? Too many may be safer and have less leaves to deal with in the fall, but it may look bad, and make the tree lean and force the roots to start coming up. Too few and we are still in danger of having a large branch fall on our house during a storm.

Oh and there are the squirrels who live in the tree, I am a little worried about their stress level.

Evil Baby Killing Tampons

My 3rd grader notice some of my wife's tampons on a counter, and asked my wife about them. I did not hear all of her explanation but I heard enough to know it was too much information for him to deal with.

I was laying on the floor of his bedroom and he sat on top of me put his face close to mine and asked, "Is there something you can take to kill a baby inside a mommy after you have made one?"

GREAT

Me, "Mom! what exactly did you say to him. Son do not worry about that, though you are definitely not the first person to come up with that idea."

My wife, "He was asking me about what tampons are for."

He knows that his mother takes pills so she does not get pregnant. My wife explained that the tampons have nothing to do with making or killing babies. She then began to explain how the pill works and I had to cut her off realizing that to an eight year old or an extreme right to lifer the process of how they work may be considered "killing a baby," so I just chimed in that the pill keeps the mommy from making a baby.

We have told him that to make a baby you take a little piece of a mommy and little piece of a daddy, put them together inside of a mommy and it grows.

So last night he asks, "Do you make a baby if you cuddle too much and your hair gets tangled and it gets inside of the mommy?"

This morning the tampon box is still out and he says, "I hate tampons they are for killing babies." So my son thinks that tampons are for killing babies, we told him they are not, but he does not believe us. I explain that they are used only when mommies are not making babies, he does not buy it. I have to take a cup and use it as model of an upside down womb, fill it with a little water and describe a period as the water pouring out of the cup and the tampon is a sponge to keep mommies clean. Not fully buying it, I explain there is blood involved and the womb makes a bed for the new baby to grow in and if it is not needed the body throws the bedding out.

So we left it with him finally starting to turn the corner but not full convinced that tampons are not for killing babies.

Seems like yesterday

My just turned six year-old, "February is not so fun,"

me, "Why? We have a bunch of fun things, the Super Bowl, Coach Charlie's birthday dinner at Red Robin, your kid birthday party,"

Him, "Mehhheh,"

me, "What that party is costing us around $500, I can call up right now and cancel it!" I pick up the phone,

him, "NO!"

Me, "Alright then, you have to appreciate what we do for you, I am sorry but I can't make everyday all fun all the time, I have a number of things I have to do."

Him, "Dad do you remember when I was the most important thing in your life? Seems like yesterday."

Me, "WHAT? What did you say?"

He repeats what he said

Me, "Where did you get that from?"

Him, "In Toy Story they say 'Do you remember when we were the most important things in Andy's life. Seems like yesterday.'"

Me, "Oh man that was pretty funny."

So my six year-old has figured out how to quote film dialog to bust my balls, great.

Welcome to the Spring 2011 Semester

Sometimes it feels like the only thing I hate more than work is change.

And by work I mean on a project I do not believe in and by change I mean unwanted or unplanned change.

Two things

Over winter break I finally had time to build the second of three cheap book shelves I bought months and months ago. It was tall and white and I put it in our boys' room, the last one was black and didn't match the room's color scheme. The boys have been happy to have their books, comics and trading cards back in their room rather than in the attic where they aren't really allowed to go into.
My kindergartner said he wanted to paint the book shelf. Knowing full well that I was not going to let him do this I asked what color he wanted to paint it, he said, "Clear!"
I let him know that you can't make non-clear items clear with paint.

-------

We got back late from a family birthday party last night and missed the first few minutes of the Jets game. My boys wanted to watch the game but I sent them to bed during half-time and told them that if the Jets come back you can watch the DVR of the game, if not they save themselves the grief of watching their team lose.

During the third quarter I got up a few times to go to the kitchen to make food and get drinks. I was pretty much sedentary for the fourth quarter. After they lost I felt a bit bummed and thought, "I am not going to watch the Steelers celebrate," and turned the channel, then to my surprise my 8 year-old popped up from under a TV tray standing the far side of the couch that I was sitting on and yells, "I hate the Steelers!" I asked how long have you been there? "Uh," okay how many Jets touchdowns did you see? "Two." So he snuck down the stairs when I went to the kitchen and hid for at least a half an hour about six feet away from me.


......... kitchen
-
--

---

---- ......... TV

^ stairs

couch-> [_me_______] him

If we were not both so bummed about the outcome of the game he would have gotten in trouble for sneaking out of bed and staying up late.

Jan. 24th, excerpt from "Laughter," by Deng Ming-Dao

"... We are too often in a rush for our children to grow up. It is far better for them to fully live each year of their lives. Let them learn what is appropriate to their time, let them play. And when their childhood is spent at adolescence, help them in a gentle transition. Then their laughter will continue to resonate with cheer and hope for us all."

Holiday Issues

Our hamster died at one year and 11 months, just shy of the normal hamster life span, which was good considering she had cancer since being one month old. She had been slowing down for a month and two weeks ago it did not look like she was going to make it through Xmas. She bounced back the past week to the point we thought that she had gotten better, but it was just that last burst of energy that we often get right before giving birth or dying.

With the giant snow storms that hit our area I had lots of snow to shovel, then the next day I built my kids an igloo with entailed a bunch more shoveling, then since I did not want to go snowboarding I agreed to my wife's B plan of tubing, the next day we spent the whole day shopping so tons of walking and carrying big boxes, this all lead to my back going out at a restaurant. We got home to see our hamster dead which lead to the kids climbing all over us because they were upset, which lead to them sleeping in our bed, neither or which was good for my back.

We also went out to lunch with my parents who we have not seen in more than six months due to a some major family issues, though everything went fine the lead up did add stress to the week.

So like many breaks this one ends with me accomplishing less than half of things I thought I would at its onset.