Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Daddy, Am I Going to Die?

My Five year-old asked me when is he going to die.
GREAT
I was like I don't know, heck maybe you won't die, maybe you'll go to heaven, so it's like you don't need your body any more but your soul lives on, so you can't really be dead then can you? Well at least that's what a lot of people think, and that's what they believe at the church you and mommy go to, but really nobody really knows.
"But you know daddy right?"
No I don't know, but I hope that's what will happen. Who told you, you were going to die, or did you just figure that out on your own?
"I just figured it out."
Oh, I don't know son, hopefully you'll just go to heaven.

Now I've noticed his wheels turning when we talk about humans and animals dying, and I knew that eventually he'd figure it out, and judge me if you must, knowing that I lean to the agnostic side when I'm not leaning to the Buddhist side, but I'll be damned if I'm telling my five year old that he can look forward to a life of trials, tribulations and travail* to be rendered meaningless by an inescapable death, I don't mind the idea of being worm's fodder, or turning to vapor and becoming one with the universe or whatever bullshit we tell ourselves in place of the self deluding comfort lies of religion, but I'm trying to give my son a few years before he crawls up his own arse via his inherited inclination for neurotic introspection.
Honestly sometimes I'd rather he live deluded and happy having some all encompassing lie that explains away all the evil and contradictions of the world, rather than being a compulsive seeker of truth, when the truth is life is pain and suffering that has to be accepted and overcome somehow without becoming totally numb.
Of course I don't really want him to run around totally deluded, because that will leave him easily lead by the likes of televangelists and politicians, and possibly result in his viewing others as "non-believers."
I hate that idea of "non-believer" I remember a co-worker saying, "Oh that's right you're a non-believer," to which I answered, "No, I'm not a non-believer, I believe in things, they are just different things than you believe in."

*travail is french for work

1 comment:

Anyanka said...

Aaaaaah!!!!!!!

I never thought the day would come when G. would be introduced to existentialism. But maybe that's the best time?

I still read 365 Tao whenever I'm blue.